I’m sorry that I’ve fallen so far behind while so much has been happening. Two wins out of three for Argentinos Juniors sees them finish the season with 22 points and qualify for the Sudamericana Cup…the Intertoto Cup of South America. That was a 2-1 home win over Arsenal, a 1-0 defeat at All Boys and a 1-0 victory over Olimpo on the last day of the season at home.

But I guess more importantly, the world has been saved from the threat of global warming, at least on paper. I’m still in Durban, South Africa, recovering from observing two weeks of negotiation at the United Nations Climate Change talks.

Climate Change Saviours?

My work entailed interviewing anyone and everyone who had some connection with what they call the Conference of the Parties or COP17. They included scientists, negotiators, meteorologists, oceanographers, forestry experts, politicians, youth group representatives, Indonesian dancing girls, earnest Scandinavians, researchers from the Amazon and the Sahara, excited Australians who claimed to have found a way of turning camel dung into a renewable energy source that would provide power for half of Asia and more green pressure groups than you could shake a cucumber at.

We all pretty much know what the problem is. The world, but particularly the rich nations with the United States at the top of the list, have been burning so much carbon fuel – oil, coal and gas – into the air for so long that the world’s temperature is rising. And if we keep on at the present rate we’ll be fried, but not before we’ve suffered floods and droughts and starvation and possibly even plagues of locusts of biblical proportions.

Boca Juniors. A White Rhino?

Many claimed to have the answers. Vegans told us that not eating meat was the cure. His Holiness 1008 Shri Shri Soham Baba, a monk wearing orange robes and sporting a large silver tea pot, puts his money on greater spiritual awareness. He first noticed the effects of climate change while living in a cave in the Himalayas. More electric buses, more bicycles, less petrol burning cars, less long distance flights.

Everyone, it seemed, is green and no-one is polluting. One oil company executive told me his firm was exploiting oil reserves in the Ecuadoran Amazon causing the minimal amount of damage. A US navy rear admiral said he travelled the world and saw the undeniable effects of climate change in all corners, reports his findings to his government which simply chooses to continue polluting.

I visited the boat of a Swiss sailor, a former ski instructor, who noticed the ice melting around his office. Dario Schwörer embarked on a fifteen-year mission to highlight the effects of global warming by sailing the world, climbing all of the world’s highest mountains and using only his sails, his bike and his feet to do it. He’s travelling with his wife and four children. When the seas get choppy he hangs the kids from the ceiling on elastic ropes to keep them out of harms way. “Dangerous?” I asked him.

“No,” he replied. “Our biggest danger is from drunken drivers when we cycle through city centres.”

There were 194 countries represented in Durban. We could all cite many examples of any two countries with unresolved disputes stretching back hundreds of years. Try getting 194 to agree on anything.

The Rest...dung beetles?

Basically, the poor countries say they don’t pollute much yet suffer the worst of the droughts and the flooding caused by climate change which in turn has been caused by the rich world. The wealthy nations admit that there’s a problem but feel the developing countries should stop buring carbon fuels and take on equal responsibilities. And do India and especially China still qualify as developing nations?

The phrase circulating around the negotiating chambers was ‘equal but differentiated responsibilites.’ If ever there was a legal-political term designed to flumox the people then this is it. We’re all in the same boat, but some more than others.

As I’m sure you know by now, after some tense last minute huddling in dark corners, the negotiators saved the process and came up with the wording that pretty much brings all 194 nations on board.

The trouble now is that they’ll all have gone home and will, at this very moment, be poring over the small print with their lawyers to see just how differentiated they are and in what ways they can wheedle out of their full responsibilites. Meanwhile, the world continues to pollute, the temperatures are rising and the floods and droughts are becoming more severe and more frequent.

Of all the many people I spoke to, perhaps the most poignant was a young man from the remote Marshall Islands, somewhere out there in the Pacific Ocean. He was munching on a BigMac and fries during another of the many lulls in the negotiations. Every year, he said, they could observe the sea levels rising. “We move further inland,” he explained. “And one day we’ll have no-where left to go.”

I’ll be expanding my carbon footprint shortly with the flight back to Buenos Aires. By that time Boca Juniors will have finished celebrating their Apertura championship victory – unbeaten and out of sight of second-placed Racing Club.

They talk a lot in South Africa about the Big Five, the five mightiest beasts – lion, elephant, rhino, leopard and dung beetle. Sorry, that last one should read buffalo. I went on safari yesterday and only saw the rhino.

Buenos Aires has its own Big Five. Boca Juniors, River Plate, San Lorenzo, Racing Club and Independiente. Only Boca deserve that title at the moment. The rest? Dung beetles!!

There is no excuse,  no justification for racism but there is often an explanation. Sepp Blatter might do well to come to Argentina to see how far Europe,  especially Britain,  has moved away from the days of monkey chanting,  bananas thrown onto the pitch,  golliwogs,  the Black and White Minstrels and unbelievably bad TV sit-coms like Love Thy Neighbour.

For Argentina in many ways is stuck in a time warp. It’s a long way from everywhere,  except maybe Uruguay and the remoter bits of Paraguay and Bolivia,  which don’t really count. I’m talking major centres of population,  civilization and sophistication here. Places like New York,  London,  Paris and,  dare I say it,  Zurich.

The porteños,  as the residents of Buenos Aires are known,  will tell you that their city is like Paris or Rome,  that they’re as cultivated as the Viennese and the Catalans. In many ways they are. But in plenty of other ways,  they’re not.

I was standing on the terraces at the Diego Armando Maradona stadium when towards the end of the first half the visitors,  Godoy Cruz,  brought on their first substitute,  Armando Cooper.

Armando Cooper

He’s a nifty little player with agile feet and plenty of oomph. He made an immediate impression and it soon became clear to the home fans that if Godoy Cruz were going to get anything from this game,  it would be through Mr Cooper.

What is noticeable about Cooper,  who’s from Panama,  is that he’s black. That’s noticeable because there are very few black players in the Argentine league and none of them are from Argentina since the country hardly has a black population.

What followed from those around me was a barrage of racist vitriol,  spat rather than shouted. Cooper looked like he’d not heard it but Argentinos Juniors has a compact ground with the fans very close to the pitch and he must have heard the words and felt the hatred.

The abuse was varied but unimaginative. I heard someone mention slavery and another shouted something about Kunte Kinte.

If their only cultural reference to Afro-Latin Americans is an over-dramatized and over-simplified 1970s TV series on the African slave trade then I think you get some idea of the depths of ignorance in which we’re wallowing here.

The abuse did not come from all the fans but there were enough of them to be threatening and for it to be apparent that challenging them could result in my being skewered on the sharp bits of the railings that keep us caged in.

It offended my white,  middle-class liberal sensitivities but I was with a French friend,  a black French friend who also heard the abuse. Although none was directed at him and none of those doing the abusing appeared to notice that he might take offence,  he felt the fear and the hatred. That’s what Sepp Blatter doesn’t seem to understand – this is an issue that cannot be solved with a gentleman’s handshake after the game.  

Godoy Cruz in action

It has to be said that the fans will hurl equally vehement insults on a regular basis at the referee and his assistants and the visiting players. It’s nasty enough for me to be grateful that the pitch is ringed by thick metal fences topped with barbed wire. Rabid animals do need to be caged.

If you see black people on the streets of Buenos Aires,  and you can go days without seeing one,  then they are likely to be from Colombia or they’ll be Brazilian or American tourists. Recently,  West African men,  mostly from Senegal,  have set up stalls in the more run-down commercial parts of the city selling  jewelry.

I’ve often heard it said by those modern-day street wise philosophers that we find the world over,  otherwise known as taxi drivers or ignorant idiots,  that Argentines are not racist because ‘we don’t have any blacks.’

There have been books written and several theories put forward as to why that’s the case.

For Argentina,  like every country in the Americas brought in African slaves to work their mines and plantations and once had a substantial black population. Neighbouring Uruguay still has one,  so too does Bolivia.

One theory is that the nineteenth century generals put black men in the front line in their many and vicious wars to eradicate the indigenous communities in central Argentina. Most perished in battle. There’s not much left of Argentina’s indigenous heritage either. Black women were integrated into the population,  at the time expanding rapidly with the influx of European immigrants,  predominantly men from Italy and Spain.

By the turn of the twentieth century Argentina’s black population had pretty much disappeared. But of course the racism remained. It’s all a question of degrees.

Argentina is an immigrant community…from Italy,  Spain,  France,  Croatia,  Greece,  Britain and elsewhere. But it’s a white immigrant population.

With no Afro-Latin Americans to prejudice, the attention turned to darker skinned immigrants of mixed indigenous and European blood from the country’s interior or from Bolivia and Paraguay.

There are hundreds of thousands of immigrants from neighbouring countries in Argentina but they’re kept in their place. The Bolivians sell fruit and veg,  the Paraguayan women are maids and nannies and the men work in construction.

The children at the private schools that dot the neighbourhoods across the north of Buenos Aires are almost exclusively white.

Like I said,  Sepp Blatter should come to Argentina. There are bits of it that are like Europe– the swampy,  rancid smelling parts that he obviously inhabits.

One of those Colombians I mentioned earlier,  Teo Gutierrez,  had a tough weekend too. He was the second Racing Club player to be sent off in their top of the table clash with Boca Juniors. Like so many much-hyped games,  this one ended 0-0.

With just four games to go,  Boca are eight points clear of Racing and have no doubt already booked their party venue.

Independiente beat Olimpo 3-0,  Velez continued their good form with a 3-1 win at Belgrano and Newell’s continued their poor form with a 1-0 home defeat to Tigre. San Martin and All Boys played out a dull 0-0 draw,  Colon beat Rafaela 1-0 and San Lorenzo sacked their manager,  Omar Asad,  after losing 1-0 at home to Union.

Arsenal won 1-0 at Lanus. and the bottom of the table clash between Estudiantes and Banfield was abandoned in the first half,  with Banfield leading 1-0,  after the home fans threw fireworks onto the pitch.

Football,  as I’ve often said,  reflects life. But this was a perfect footballing day and how often in life do we have perfect days?

I was up in time to see the second half of Chelsea versus Arsenal – a sublime game if you have no emotional attachment to either team. The Latin American commentators were salivating over the quality of the football.

Then I nipped around the corner where I was the guest on a Saturday morning football radio chat show. They asked me what on earth I was doing in Buenos Aires supporting Argentinos Juniors. People always ask me that. Why them? Why not Boca Juniors or River Plate? Or at the very least Racing Club or Independiente? It’s like an Argentine landing  in London and spurning Arsenal or Chelsea in favour of Fulham or Queen’s Park Rangers. So I explained that I didn’t choose one of their big clubs for exactly the same reasons that I’m not a fan of either Chelsea or Arsenal.

Fenced In.

Argentinos Juniors I said,  with their homely neighbourhood stadium,  their success in producing fine,  young talent and their fans’ consistent demand for attractive football over a win-at-all-costs philosophy,  made them the nearest Argentine equivalent to West Ham United. Plus I can get there easily on the 113 bus.

We also talked about the differences between the game in England and Argentina. As I rambled on it occurred to me that the only fundamental differences are elements that were introduced in England post Hillsborough. Things like the removal of fencing,  the transformation to all-seater stadiums and better policing. Then there was the fact that English stadiums have beer and betting.  And they were very keen to know about the state of the toilets.

I kept telling them how passionate I found the Argentine fans to be because I suspected that that’s what they wanted to hear. But I’m not sure,  on reflection,  that they’re any more passionate than the Liverpool,  Bristol City or Stoke supporters I’ve come across.

Where Argentina does differ from the English game is in how deeply ingrained the violence perpetrated by their barra brava or hooligan element has become. In some ways it’s reminiscent of the hooliganism that blighted the English game in the nineteen seventies and eighties.

The violence here now differs from that suffered in England then in how closely related the thugs are to the club authorities and sometimes even to the local police forces and politicians. There’s violence,  of course. But there’s also money to be made:  in re-selling tickets,  controlling parking around the ground on match days and dealing drugs on the terraces,  among other illegal activities.

Something to shout about...

There is no political will to change things since plenty of people are doing very nicely thank-you with how things are. There’s an incident pretty much every week,  sometimes resulting in the death of a supporter. This week’s drama was a little different in that a fan ran onto the San Lorenzo training ground and whacked a player,  Jonathan Bottinelli. He’s said he wants to leave the club.

The national security ministry insisted that San Lorenzo’s game this weekend against All Boys be suspended while a full investigation is carried out.  San Lorenzo is one of the biggest clubs in Buenos Aires and it’s in crisis. Its barra brava wander around the club’s facilities at will. The players are in dispute over unpaid wages,  there’s talk of splits between groups of players and in the boardroom where the president,  Carlos Abdo,  has been in office for a chaotic ten months.

I explained about the restructuring in the English game after Hillsborough,  Heysel and Bradford and the lack of political will to do much about the problems in the game until there had been a Hillsborough,  a Heysel and a Bradford.

“And the toilets really are clean?” they asked again.

Then I went home to check on the English league scores in that frantic,  obsessive way that you do as a fan living abroad and disturbed my neighbours with a loud “Yesss!!!” and a rendition of “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles,” as I clocked the result from Upton Park. Even the team I used to watch as a teenager and still retain a soft spot for,  Aldershot Town,  did nothing to ruin my day with a 3-1 win over Crewe in League Two.

But as I waited for my bus to the La Paternal neighbourhood for Argentinos Juniors against Velez Sarsfield on a sunny,  cloudless afternoon,  I asked myself whether I could,  whether I should hope for all three cherries to line up on the same day? Was that just being greedy?

This was the bottom placed team,  with just one win all season,  against the reigning champions.

But as Lou Reed put it:  ‘Oh such a Perfect Day,  I’m glad I spent it at the Diego Armando Maradona Stadium…’ Or something like that.

The home side played coherent,  attacking football from the beginning,  their Uruguayan midfielder,  Roberto Brum,  battling for and winning nearly every ball.

They were not rewarded until the cusp of halftime with a strike from Santiago Salcedo. Velez helped things along with an own goal in the second half.

Then to add bring just a slight whiff of Upton Park to the proceedings,  the former West Ham striker,  born in Argentina,  nationalized Mexican and now playing in Argentina,  Guillermo Franco,  pulled one back for the visitors with a headed goal from a free-kick.

The Bichos wrapped things up with a Salcedo penalty and our ramshackle stadium,  possibly the most decrepit in the division,  reacquainted itself with victory – the first home win since April.

I suspect it’ll be some time before I next enjoy a footballing day quite like it.

Meanwhile,  those giants of Argentine football,  River Plate,  suffered a setback in their battle to climb out of the second division with their first defeat of the season,  2-1 against Aldosivi.

Back in the top division,  Newell’s Old Boys and Olimpo drew 2-2 and Independiente and Arsenal dragged out a dull 0-0. Colon won by the single goal at Belgrano and Lanus beat Godoy Cruz 2-1.

But all eyes were at Boca,  both on and off the pitch. Boca increased their lead at the top to nine points with a 3-1 win over their nearest rivals,  Atletico de Rafaela. But the imminent battle is on the terraces where the previous head of the violent barra brava, Rafa Di Zeo, returned to the ground after serving a prison term for violence at the ground. The club authorities hand him his season ticket on a silver platter and Di Zeo arrived in a convoy of cars and vans with his supporters. The stand-in boss of La Doce,  Mauro Martin,  will not stand aside. War is inevitable but it’s a war manufactured by the authorities — the Boca club officials, the police and local politicians. Both shameful and remarkable.

The Clarin newspaper said that if ever football’s world governing body decides to change the rules and punish both teams for playing dull, negative football then this game would be a fine example of what brought the change about.

The goalkeepers were hardly called upon,  the ball rarely left midfield where it bounced from leg to knee like in a demented game of pinball and two players,  one from each side,  were sent off following a clash after just twelve minutes,  probably glad to be out of it.

So just as well that I missed this match. Instead,  I found myself outside the Bombonera,  the home of Boca Juniors before their clash with Belgrano – in another less than satisfying 0-0 draw.

Democracy at Boca...

What was interesting,  however,  was the campaigning for the election of a new club president. By kick-off we were knee-deep in competing leaflets thrust at us by young,  attractive people clad in tight-fitting blue and yellow clothes. There was a hot air balloon,  conflicting banners stretched across the streets and a bombardment of promises that the future would be bigger,  better and shinier.

It was democracy in football,  giving the fans a tangible say in the running of their club,  a sense of owning at least a tiny piece of something close to their hearts. That vote is perhaps more resonant than an overpriced team shirt bearing the name of an overpriced player who was sold to an Italian club for an exorbitant fee even before the season had kicked off.

The Boca campaign is running in parallel and is infinitely more colourful than the election for national president which takes places on Sunday. That’s dull simply because the outcome is already assured. The incumbent president,  Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner,  will win comfortably. She was way ahead in the primaries held a couple of months ago,  the opposition is fragmented and the Argentine economy is doing alright.

Imagine how dull the Scottish league would be without Rangers challenging Celtic or the Spanish with only Barcelona dominant. The Argentine elections are like that only without goalposts and a crackly tannoy system.

It’s normal,  stable and a little drab. It’s what most people want in their politics. I,  however,  was attracted to Latin America by its loonies and eccentrics.

Abdala ‘El Loco’ Bucaram,  the former president of Ecuador,  for example. With a ridiculous Hitler moustache he would sing at his political rallies,  once presenting the presidents at a regional conference with a CD containing thirteen songs performed by him.

When a political rival was compared to a donkey,  Bucaram publicly apologized to donkeys. He was,  not surprisingly,  turfed out of office by angry crowds.

El Loco...Bucaram

Then next door in Paraguay we’ve got a former Roman Catholic bishop as president. Nothing wrong with that. But soon after Fernando Lugo started campaigning, women across the land held up the children that the sandal-wearing old goat had fathered.

The magical realism that dominated Latin American literature from the nineteen-eighties onwards I believe took hold partly because it only took a surreal step or two beyond real life.

But not any more. Now we look to Europe,  to the mother countries,  for our political scandal and weirdness.

AC Milan owner and part-time president of Italy,  Silvio Berlusconi,  is nearly always top of the ratings for his inappropriate comments and sex scandals. How do you win a confidence vote after suggesting that your party,  the governing party,  be renamed Forza Gnocca….Go Pussy? If you’re Silvio Berlusconi,  you do.

But the British government seems to be making a strong challenge for bizarre silliness.

I can kind of understand what the former Defence Minister,  Liam Fox,  was up to in including his mates in his entourage on an official visit to Sri Lanka.

“It’ll be spiffing fun,”  he no doubt told them over G&Ts in his gentleman’s club a few days before the trip. “Werritty can pretend to be my very important right-hand-man and we can make loads of lovely money.” I don’t condone it but I understand it. It’s a case of pure unadulterated greed and a total disregard for the people who elected him in the UK and a lack of respect towards the people of Sri Lanka.

What I can’t begin to understand is the case of cabinet minister,  Oliver Letwin,  disposing of government papers in public parks. Why? Doesn’t he have minions to do that kind of work for him? Hasn’t he heard of a shredder? Never mind the breaches of security.

It’s the image of the prime minister’s policy advisor wandering the parks during his lunch break in his suit,  no doubt mumbling to himself as he pulls papers from his bulging briefcase and stuffs them into the bins before sitting down on the nearest bench to scoff his cucumber sandwiches and drinking yoghurt,  that is so disturbing.  Is this how countries are run?

Give me randy bishops and singing madmen any day.

Back in the far more staid and respectable world of football,  Boca,  with that 0-0 draw continue six points clear at the top. Racing lead the chasing pack with their own 0-0 draw at San Martin. Rafaela lost ground with a 3-0 defeat at Estudiantes who lift themselves off the bottom.

Newell’s and Arsenal also drew 0-0 but there were goals at Independiente who beat Godoy Cruz 2-1 and at Lanus where Velez won by the same score.

Banfield lost 1-0 at San Lorenzo which plonks them back on the bottom while Olimpo and Tigre and Union and All Boys all drew 1-1.

This is my one-hundredth blog post since I started covering Argentina in August 2009 from the terraces of whichever ground Argentinos Juniors were playing at. And sometimes in front of the tele. My first game was against Boca Juniors and in a spookily coincidental way,  so was this one.

Telegram from the Queen perhaps?

That one was a 2-2 draw at their place,  this one a 0-0 at ours. The latest match was better than the score would suggest with the Bichos stand-in goalkeeper,  Nereo Fernandez,  playing the game of his life and the home-side’s front men,  profligate in front of the Boca goal.

In the early days,  The Hand of Dan was thankful for a trickle of curious traffic. It now receives tens of thousands of visitors each month and the numbers are rising. My knowledge of blogging is as sketchy now as it was then but I have become intrigued by the weird ways and twisted mentality of the spammers,  who send me a couple of hundred unwanted bits of rubbish mail each day.

For those of you who blog regularly,  you’ll know about the inconvenience of spam but if you don’t here’s some examples of the kind of thing that plagues my blogging life.

Getting rid of them is a daily chore but it does educate me about whole new aspects of this disturbed world in which we live.

To those of you who write in Arabic,  Russian,  Greek,  Hebrew and Hindi,  thanks for taking the trouble but I’ve no idea what you’re getting at. And to the mini-cab company in Blackburn,  Lancashire,  I’ll bear you mind should I ever find myself in your neighbourhood.

There are offers for cures for ailments I didn’t even know existed and I now wonder whether I should have cause for concern. Hair growing on the male member,  for instance. I’ll keep the spam,  just in case.

Acquired taste.

A ridiculous number offer sex in different places,  with different people in a variety of contorted and sometimes unhealthy sounding circumstances. And to those people I say: “There is more to life! Expand your horizons!” There’s football,  for a start. And basketball,  rugby,  tennis,  beer and books.

And one week I received a ridiculous amount of spam from clinics offering to cleanse,  for want of a politer term,  the poo tube. Could it have been because that weekend Argentinos Juniors played Colon…a team representing a city by the same name in the north-east of Argentina which in turn was named after Cristobal Colon,  known to English-speakers as Christopher Columbus?

I suspect that those selling Gucci handbags are not as authentic as they say they are and a handbag,  however fashionable and chic it may be,  will do nothing to enhance the tough-guy image of the barra brava at Argentinos Juniors.

I’ve a strong suspicion that neither Justin Bieber nor Lady Gaga are fans of Argentine football nor read my blog but mail purporting to be from them keeps landing in my inbox. In case I’m wrong,  thanks guys – I’m honoured.

We’ve all got egos that can be got at but I have trouble believing those mails that start with the words: “Your writing style is superb and I’ve no hesitation in saying that it’s changed the way I look at this vital subject.”

Off the wall comment.

Or the ones that sound like lyrics from a bad blues song: “My wife died last week and today the doctors told me I have terminal cancer and only have three weeks to live. I was going to end it all then I read your blog and it gave me a reason to hope.”

Most are in a style of English which makes me suspect they were not written by human beings. Like this for example: “I truly wanted to make a remark in order to thank you for all the stunning steps you are giving out at this site. I would claim that we readers actually are really endowed to live in a perfect site with very many outstanding professionals with good tactics. I feel quite blessed to have come across the web pages and look forward to really more pleasurable minutes reading here.” What!!?

It defeats and befuddles me why anyone would buy acne pills,  knitting patterns,  a time-share apartment in Marbella or hire an accountant in Cardiff,  Wales,  on the strength of an unsolicited mail that’s landed in your spam box. But I suppose there must be enough mugs out there to make it worth their while or they wouldn’t do it. Would they?

Back to the real and un-spam tainted world of Argentine football. That draw for Boca Juniors consolidates their top spot with a four point lead over Racing who only managed a 0-0 draw at San Lorenzo.

Tigre and All Boys drew 1-1 and Olimpo and Arsenal 2-2. San Martin won the battle between two of the newly-promoted sides with a 2-1 victory over Rafaela. Velez beat Independiente 1-0 at their place and Belgrano also clocked an away win – 3-2 at Estudiantes.

Banfield went back to losing ways — 1-0 at Union which keeps them and not Argentinos Juniors at the bottom of the pile. Lanus and Colon and Newell’s and Godoy Cruz all drew 1-1. The Newell’s manager, Javier Torrente, resigned after this game, the latest in what’s been a dismal season so far for the Rosario club.

I was the victim at the end of this game of verbal bullying by supporters of the Argentinos Juniors club president,  Luis Segura.

The team had just finished their first game under the new manager,  Nestor Gorosito. It was a dismal display. At least under his predecessor,  Pedro Troglio,  they tried to play football. They failed but at least they tried. This was a shambles that made a mediocre Tigre side look at times like Barcelona.

Angry Old Men

Usually new managers are given a grace or honeymoon period during which they have the opportunity to show what they can do. Gorosito,  who was a failure the last time he managed Argentinos Juniors in 2007-08,  was the target of fan abuse almost from the kick-off.

After the final whistle the fans around me turned to hurl insults at the president,  Luis Segura,  casting aspersions, in song,  about his mother’s profession. Several of his supporters shouted back. One of two of them jumped down from the safety of the seated area to remonstrate nose to nose with the protesters.

I took photos and one of Segura’s men challenged me. “I’m a tourist,”  I said. “But I’d like to know what authority you have to tell me whether or not I can take photos.” He insisted I put my camera away.

An English-speaking fan,  obviously concerned about my safety,  kindly advised me to do the same. “They’re Segura’s people,”  he explained. “It could get nasty.”

My confrontation came the same day that the government’s commerce secretary,  Guillermo Moreno,  requested a court order obliging newspapers to give up the names,  addresses and telephone numbers of any journalists who in the past six years have written anything that questions the government’s official inflation figures.

As a resident here I can tell you that the official inflation figures are as reliable as a Premiership manager announcing the day before an international friendly that his star player is injured.

The move is a blatant infringement of the freedom of the media and both the opposition and several international bodies have said so. I’m not suggesting for one moment that my little confrontation ranks as an attack on my liberty. But it does demonstrate a sensitivity to criticism by many in authority here.

One thing I must say however is that despite the nose-to-nose,  bulging eyeball nature of some of the arguments I saw,  there was no violence.

Gorosito. Unpopular choice...

I’ve no doubt that similar confrontations in Britain would have produced a fist fight. But Argentine men – for you rarely see women in these situations – seem to possess the admirable ability to pull away at the point when you feel violence must be inevitable.

I don’t find this a violent society but most porteños,  or Buenos Aires residents,  would disagree. They’d have you believe the city is a cross between Mogadishu and Baghdad.

It’s a question,  I guess,  of perception.  Buenos Aires has its share of violent,  drug-induced crime. Men beat their wives,  police have been known to hit their prisoners and newspapers carry regular tales of thieves opening fire on their victims. Of course,  it’s also got its dodgy neighbourhoods and places you’d be advised to avoid after dark.

But it’s no worse than many similar sized cities around the world and in many aspects a good deal better. I’d certainly rank it as generally safer than most of the other Latin American capitals I’ve been to.

I met a Glaswegian the other day who pretty much agreed with me. And he lives in the less than reputable La Boca neighbourhood where he comes and goes and is greeted by the locals. He admitted to not being a stereotypical Glaswegian hard man and was surprised when we suggested that with his bald head and confident manner,  the locals might be wary of him.

No Victory in Sight...

I don’t want to tempt fate but I’ve never had any problems in Buenos Aires either. I’ve never had to call on my judo yellow belt with two red stripes and would probably,  if I were cornered,  hand over my wallet to a gang of brownies wielding chocolate chip cookies.

I did,  in second year primary school,  lash out in a fit of panic when confronted by playground bully,  Tommy Ford,  and luckily caught him full in the solar plexus. He never touched me again. Neither did anyone else since the perception circulated that I was not to be messed with.

My ill-deserved reputation had waned when many years later I was confronted by knife-wielding muggers in Georgetown,  Guyana,  who ripped off my wedding ring and a small chunk of finger and emptied my pockets. “Tommy Ford!” I muttered. But it did no good.

There are several reasons that might explain why porteños believe they live in a city that is more dangerous than it is. The media for one carries a daily diet of crime stories that wouldn’t have made it into my former local newspaper,  the Hackney Gazette.

I had to stop reading the local rag since it unnerved me to know that the petrol station I’d filled my tank at was held up at gunpoint ten minutes after I’d been there or the bloke three behind me in the queue at the supermarket had stabbed the cashier in a row over the validity of a 30p off baked beans coupon.

Also,  those who have in this city tend to live very far from those who don’t have much. I’ve met plenty who never travel by public transport. They send their kids to well protected schools distant from the poorer neighbourhoods and have only a distorted notion of what goes on in those dark and undesirable communities.

Despite the minor challenge to my freedom to take photographs,  I’d still hold that most Argentine first division football stadiums are fairly safe places which I know is not a perception shared by many residents here.

Anyway,  enough waffling from me. Back to the full mid-week football programme. Boca consolidated their top spot with a 1-0 win over Estudiantes while Racing moved into second place with the same scoreline against Newell’s Old Boys.

There were 1-1 draws in the games between Banfield and Olimpo and Godoy Cruz and Union while the matches between Colon and San Martin and Belgrano and Lanus were both goalless. All Boys notched a rare win – 2-1 away at Arsenal while San Lorenzo also won 2-1 away,  at Velez. And Independiente improved enormously since I saw them last week to beat Rafaela 3-1 away.

So Argentinos Juniors still without a win after eight games and in crisis. Our next opponents? At home to top team Boca Juniors on Sunday.

I’d like to be more positive about Argentine football.  I realised looking back over recent posts that I’m starting to sound like a whingeing,  whining local.

After several years here I noticed that the porteños are happiest when they’re complaining. In fact,  having nothing to complain about often makes them uneasy. Certain inflexions in the regional accent even make them sound like they’re complaining when they’re not.

Here’s an example. I once approached a group of acquaintances waiting for their children outside the school gates. In true British fashion I entered the conversation with a less than profound observation on what a lovely spring morning it was.

Complaining? You bet we are!

“Oh,  but weather like this brings all sorts of allergies with it,” replied one.

“So you suffer from allergies?” I said. “Hay fever perhaps?”

“No,  not me,” she said. “But you know. It’s not nice.”

That’ll give you locals something to gripe about. “These bloody foreigners…they come to Buenos Aires,  they marry our women,  they buy our best players and then they have the audacity,  the downright cheek to complain about the amount of dog shit on our pavements and our rising prices.”

Argentina,  in very general terms,  relatively speaking,  if you look at the big picture is doing alright. It is politically and economically stable,  at least if you compare it with how things have been here in recent years or with the turmoil being suffered in parts of Europe and North America. So not much to complain about there.

Boca Juniors are joint leaders of the top division after a 1-0 win over San Martin so normality reigns there too. It’s off the pitch where football is giving us plenty of concern,  although there are signs of improvement.

The former leaders of the River Plate barra brava,  Alan and William Schlenker,  were sentenced to life in prison last week for ordering the killing in 2007 of rival River Plate fan,  Gonzalo Acro. Until the sentences are confirmed and they’ve run the full gamut of appeals,  they and three others are still roaming the streets professing their innocence.

It’s reassuring that measures are being taken against these thugs who previously enjoyed immunity and sometimes even the unashamed protection of the football and political authorities.

Crying? Of course I am!

I for one might even raise a whimper of protest if a Schlenker pushes in front of me in the hot dog queue.

That change in attitude only happens because the people,  the fans demand it. Independiente supporters,  the proper fans,  are fighting back against their thuggish element. A whole bunch of them at a game last week moved to the other side of the ground to leave the barra brava isolated,  so everyone could see who they were.

The team’s manager,  Antonio Mohamed,  had resigned after a bad run of results but saying that the barra brava forced him to go. The thuggish element reacted in the only way they know how,  with violence – attacking those who had bravely dared to challenge them.

The off-field drama is obviously affecting the Independiente players who lost 2-0 to Belgrano. The tension is sprung tighter than the straps on AFA president Julio Grondona’s wallet. It’s a good old-fashioned battle between the forces of good and evil. May the good prevail! But not too much or we’ll have nothing to complain about.

Back on the pitch,  Lanus nudged their buttocks onto the top chair alongside Boca after this 4-0 drubbing of Argentinos Juniors,  I think the heaviest defeat I’ve seen the Bichos suffer,  home or away,  since I started watching them two years ago.

Permanent? I doubt it.

The home side weren’t that bad in the first half,  ending it one-nil down. But everything they tried came to nothing,  especially if it landed at the two left feet of our often lone attacker,  JJ Morales. And the few times that Lanus deigned to put some effort into it and venture into Argentinos Juniors territory they came away with a bag of goodies.

The players and the president,  Luis Segura,  have expressed their support in his time of great difficulty for manager,  Pedro Troglio,  so I expect he’ll be clearing out his desk fairly soon. He has the team playing some attractive passing football but it nearly always comes to nothing,  especially where it counts,  in front of goal.

For that reason,  I wouldn’t be sorry to see him take the 113 out of the La Paternal neighbourhood. And call me fickle and superficial if you like,  but nineteen-seventies style perm hairdos have no place in the twenty-first century. “Troglio. Get your hair cut or get out!”

Racing continued their good form with a 1-0 win over Olimpo. Rafaela keep up the pressure on the top after a 0-0 draw against Newell’s and Colon looked impressive in a 3-1 pounding of the declining San Lorenzo. The result of the weekend was Godoy Cruz’s 6-1 drubbing of All Boys. Estudiantes continue to be one of the few teams performing worse than Argentinos Juniors – they lost 3-1 at home to Tigre.

Champions Velez,  despite a constant pounding of the Union goal,  lost 1-0 at home but it’s Banfield and their fans we should be feeling sorry for. They lost 1-0 at home to Arsenal to leave them after six games without a goal,  without a point and without much hope.

‘Once upon a time there was an emperor who loved fine clothes so much that he spent all his money on being finely dressed.

One day two weavers came to his city claiming they could make the finest cloth imaginable. Not only would the cloth be extraordinarily beautiful, they promised, it would also be invisible to anyone who was incompetent or stupid.’

“Incompetent or stupid,” I thought to myself as I stood on the terraces watching these two supposedly top teams grind out another interminable 0-0 draw. “Is that me?”

"Is it over yet?" "No, just 83 minutes to go."

Argentine football, as I’ve said before, often reflects life in the world away from the huff and grunt and the occasional, very occasional, defence-splitting pass from midfield.

A game of two halves? This was just one amorphous, meandering bore. There was no ambition, no cohesion and little in the way of accurate passing. Neither keeper was called upon to do much until the final twenty minutes or so when tired legs and waning concentration allowed the ball to drift in the direction of the two goals. And then both Luis Ojeda between the home posts and Hilario Navarro for the visitors vied with one another for the Man-of-the-Match award.

Teams that looked sparkly at the beginning of the season appear, by game 4, to be wilting. Velez lost 1-0 at home to All Boys, a side I saw last week with my own eyes and judged would be lucky to survive in the top flight.

Boca Juniors were fortunate to draw 1-1 at home to San Lorenzo with 92-year-old Juan Roman Riquelme again doing all the thinking. And Racing drew 0-0 against Arsenal, showing that without their suspended Colombian striker, Teo Gutierrez, their search for the net is as fruitless as the hunt for Col Gadaffi. Maybe they too should offer a reward?

My point, which I’m taking a ludicrously long time to get to, is that Argentine football is in crisis, has been for some time and no-one is addressing the issue. The fans’ passion for football continues unabated which often masks the reality.

The River Plate players came onto the pitch for their second division game against Desamparados wearing T-shirts that read: No to Violence. Yet the same week a fans’ meeting at the club’s ground ended up in a brawl with a couple of stabbings.

We see much the same attitude outside the grounds. The Argentine economy is not in crisis. Not yet, anyway. The restaurants are full, new cars clog the roads and no-one is rioting. But the warning signs are as blatant as an 8-2 scoreline.

Moody’s, the international agency that knows about this kind of thing, has warned that the Argentine banking system is vulnerable and has downgraded it from stable to negative. While Argentina’s very own central bank revealed that in the first three months of this year US$9.8billion left the country for shady off-shore accounts.

Nobel prize winning economists have warned that Argentina’s high rate of inflation is unsustainable. But we’ve got elections coming up in October and the response from those who make the decisions and most affluent Argentines is to push their hands deeper into their pockets and subtly walk the other way while whistling a happy tune.

But they've got nothing on!

Leading bankers simply said that Moody’s didn’t understand the Argentine banking system while the economy minister, Amado Boudou, did the buttons up on the emperor’s non-existent cloak and denied that there was any capital flight.

I’m no economist but in the twenty-five years or so that I’ve been acquainted with Argentina I’ve seen two major economic crises. Hyperinflation in 1989 left a deep and rancid scar on the national psyche. While the massive debt default and subsequent devaluation in 2001-2 had a profound impact on the political system and the pockets of millions of Argentines which is still being felt today.

What I remember about both calamities is that in the seemingly affluent years and months preceding both meltdowns, the warning signs were there but pretty much everyone chose to ignore them.

“Goodness, the emperor’s new clothes are incomparable!” gasped the crowd.

Insufficient long-term investment blights both Argentine football and the country at large. More and more and younger and younger players are sold abroad. A similar situation undermines the economy with the country’s talented youngsters seeking their rewards in more lucrative markets. And those who run Argentine football and Argentina are unwilling or unable to face the problems.

“But he doesn’t have anything on!” shouted a small child.

His friends heard him and realised he was right. Finally everyone was saying, “He doesn’t have anything on!”

Perhaps a sign of the weakness of the top division is how well the four newly-promoted teams are doing. Sitting pretty at the top is Atletico de Rafaela after a 3-1 win over Olimpo. Union claimed an impressive 2-0 at Colon while San Martin came back from 2-0 down to finish 2-2 at Estudiantes.

Belgrano were doing alright before letting a 2-0 lead slip to lose 3-2 at home to Newell’s Old Boys. Godoy Cruz won their first game of the season 1-0 against the bottom team, Banfield, while Lanus and Tigre ground out the third 0-0 draw of the weekend.

The emperor shuddered, for he knew that they were right, but he thought, “The procession must go on!” He carried himself even more proudly and the chamberlains walked along behind carrying the train that wasn’t there.

I’m sorry, but trying to get motivated for this 2011 Apertura season is a bit like pumping and pumping up an inflatable mattress only to find that you’ve left the valve open. I’m not going to give up and sleep on the couch just yet.

But the momentum, after a flat, dismal opening weekend, was interrupted by Argentina’s first ever primaries held last Sunday to choose candidates for October’s presidential elections.

Outright winner

It meant that all the second fixtures were moved to Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. The primaries turned out to be like the Spanish football league – but without Real Madrid which, with the way Jose Mourinho is behaving, may come to pass.

For Barcelona, read President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner who, hoping to catch forty percent of the vote, reaped more than fifty. None of her rivals – for Eduardo Duhalde, read Atletico Madrid, for Ricardo Alfonsin, Valencia while Hermes Binner can be Athletic Bilbao – managed to reach thirteen percent.

It means that President Cristina pretty much clinched a second term as president before the second game of the season had been played. She won in 22 of Argentina’s 23 provinces and the capital, Buenos Aires, where normally her party is about as popular as Carlos Tevez is in Manchester these days.

So it looks like Cristina for the league, the new FA Cup-style competition that the Argentine Football Association is launching this season and pretty much any other competition she chooses to enter.

There are no such obvious contenders for the Argentine football league, although Boca Juniors fans will tell you otherwise after they won their second game 4-0 against newly-promoted Union. Juan Roman Riquelme, who many felt should be hanging up his boots about now, played so well there’s already media talk of him rejoining the national squad.

Much has been said about the disappearance of the Boca v River Plate derby, the superclasico, with River’s relegation to ‘La B.’ However, nearly all the main Argentine derbies have disappeared.

River Plate are rubbing shoulders in the lower echelons with Rosario Central, Newell’s Old Boys bitter rivals in the city of Rosario. Estudiantes will miss their clash with the hated, but relegated Gimnasia y Esgrima in the city of La Plata and San Lorenzo won’t get to play another demoted club, Huracan, in the west of Buenos Aires.

About the only clasico that does still exist in the top division is that between Racing Club and Independiente who have side-by-side grounds in the Avellaneda district just south of Buenos Aires. Racing, under Diego Simeone, got off to a flying start, beating Godoy Cruz 3-0 with a couple from their Colombian striker, Teo Gutierrez. Meanwhile, Independiente are looking like worthy candidates for an imminent drop if they carry on their present dismal course, compounded by losing 1-0 to Lanus.

Riquelme's a winner too...

Proximity is not the only factor in developing a rivalry as Argentinos Juniors prove with All Boys. Only about thirty blocks or three kilometres separate their grounds but there is no history between these two.

But there is a history of Argentinos Juniors drawing games and they managed yet another one against Newell’s Old Boys. That’s two out of two this season and more than any other team last season.

I have to admit that I didn’t attend this one at the Diego Armando Maradona stadium. It was raining and the ground doesn’t have a roof – anywhere, even over the posh seats — it was a 9.15pm kickoff and I didn’t have a note from my mum letting me stay out so late, my Argentine friend Hernan wasn’t sure if he was going to make it, I suspected it would be a draw, my leg hurt and…. Enough excuses already!

Also, my Velez-supporting American friend, Ian, had suggested watching the game in a bar, with a roof, accompanied by beer and pizza. C’mon! What would you have done? The choice was clear although a little worm of guilt for deserting the team in a time of need is still gnawing away at my innards.

I arrived at the bar just in time to catch the end of River Plate’s first ever game in a lower division…a 1-0 win over Chacarita. They played this one at their own stadium. Only then were they punished for their fans’ riotous behaviour on the last game of last season as their plunge into second division humiliation was sealed. The footballing authorities slapped them lightly on the cheek with a few games to be played without fans then a few more at Huracan’s stadium.  No big fine and no points deducted.

Another fine example of the scandalous way in which Argentine football is often run was the decision by the Boca Juniors management to allow former lead thug, the head of their barra brava, Rafa De Zeo, to have his season ticket back.  He’s just been released from prison for kicking the crap out of rival fans, all captured on film. He’s told the stand-in boss Mauro Martin that he’ll be expecting to lead La Doce again. How Martin reacts will dictate the amount of blood that is spilled.

Meanwhile, back on the pitch. Champions Velez showed that they’re still the team to catch with an easy 3-0 win over Banfield.  New boys, Atletico Rafaela, found the going tough at home to Arsenal who trounced them 3-1.  With their former manager, Alejandro Sabella, now running the national team, Estudiantes seem to have lost their way, losing 2-0 at home to San Lorenzo.

San Martin look like they might be the best of the four newly promoted sides, beating Tigre 2-1. While Colon and All Boys and Belgrano and Olimpo all drew 1-1.

With hindsight, this game was only ever going to end in a draw. There have been so many this season. But let’s be thankful for small mercies. At least there were a couple of goals and it didn’t start raining, despite threatening to throughout the game, until we were scurrying out of the stadium after we’d applauded our boys off the pitch and on their way to their winter holidays in a kind of semi-enthusiastic , mas o menos, sort of way.

As the final whistle blew, the Tigre fans and players leapt about and on top of one another as though they’d just won the championship and the lottery at the same time. Word had obviously just filtered through that results from the other four games being played simultaneously had gone their way and their place in the top division was safe.

Limited Action

But the news that in Argentina pretty much knocks the world off its axis is that River Plate lost at home to Lanus and must now play a couple of matches against a low-life from a lower division – in this case Belgrano of Cordoba – to retain their place in the top division and avoid relegation for the first time in their history.

As one who’s just lived through the trauma of relegation with West Ham I can assure River Plate supporters that, while it seems at times to be the worst thing that can happen to you, up there with having your house repossessed or your children confessing that they don’t much like football and only accompanied you to games for the burgers, life does go on and there is hope of a better future.

Argentine writer and River fan, Quino, wrote an excellent piece in the Perfil newspaper, for which his fellow fans will brand him a blasphemer, saying he wanted River to go down.

“Bit by bit, year after year,” he wrote, “River have turned into a team without a soul, without football, without goals, without respect for their tradition, with dull footballers and cowardly coaches. And now we’ve reached rock bottom.”

Relegation, he predicts, will deliver them a radical solution that he hopes will allow them to escape from what he calls interminable suffering.

So Long, Farewell.

Quilmes are down, for sure, after losing 1-0 to Olimpo. Huracan, who lost 5-1 to Independiente, must play Gimnasia, who squandered a two-goal lead to draw 2-2 with Boca, in what promise to be a couple of tense matches. The loser will go down, the winner will have another chance and will battle it out with a team from the lower echelon for a place in the top flight.

I personally witnessed most of Argentinos Juniors’ home games, a couple of away matches and the rest on tele and never have I spent so long watching football for so little reward. The football was often ineffective and the goals sparse. The Bichos were often the better team but in nineteen games they managed just 16 goals and most of them were scored away from home. That is not entertaining football by anyone’s standards.

They finished a very respectable fifth simply by having the best defence in the division, letting in just 11 goals. The champions, Velez, conceded 16 but managed to score more than twice as many as Argentinos Juniors. The point being, if you can’t score goals all our cheering and all the players’ huffing and puffing and running around amounts to very little and frustration will inevitably set in.

I hope the manager, Pedro Troglio, stays and manages to convince key players to remain with him since there’s the foundations of a decent team here. A couple of players who can tuck the ball in the net will make all the difference.

The truth is that none of the other teams I saw at the Diego Maradona stadium this season impressed me. I missed the Velez visit since I was at Upton Park watching West Ham lose to Birmingham City in the poorest exhibition of football at inflated prices that I’ve probably ever seen. May The Blues linger in the lower divisions for a long time and Aston Villa fans, you have my sympathy.

So, I’ll take a break now. I may return for the Copa America that kicks off on July 1. All the games, apart from the final, are being played in cities distant from Buenos Aires.  Since I’ve put my money on Argentina winning every major tournament for the last eight years or so, I’m going to continue in the same vein – Argentina to beat Brazil in the final. Not especially adventurous, I know. Paraguay and Uruguay are good outside bets and could provide an upset or two.

I’m putting my Argentinos Junior’s shirt in the wash now so it’s clean and ironed for next season. Hasta la vista chicos.