Argentinos Juniors 1 Olimpo 0

I’m sorry that I’ve fallen so far behind while so much has been happening. Two wins out of three for Argentinos Juniors sees them finish the season with 22 points and qualify for the Sudamericana Cup…the Intertoto Cup of South America. That was a 2-1 home win over Arsenal, a 1-0 defeat at All Boys and a 1-0 victory over Olimpo on the last day of the season at home.

But I guess more importantly, the world has been saved from the threat of global warming, at least on paper. I’m still in Durban, South Africa, recovering from observing two weeks of negotiation at the United Nations Climate Change talks.

Climate Change Saviours?

My work entailed interviewing anyone and everyone who had some connection with what they call the Conference of the Parties or COP17. They included scientists, negotiators, meteorologists, oceanographers, forestry experts, politicians, youth group representatives, Indonesian dancing girls, earnest Scandinavians, researchers from the Amazon and the Sahara, excited Australians who claimed to have found a way of turning camel dung into a renewable energy source that would provide power for half of Asia and more green pressure groups than you could shake a cucumber at.

We all pretty much know what the problem is. The world, but particularly the rich nations with the United States at the top of the list, have been burning so much carbon fuel – oil, coal and gas – into the air for so long that the world’s temperature is rising. And if we keep on at the present rate we’ll be fried, but not before we’ve suffered floods and droughts and starvation and possibly even plagues of locusts of biblical proportions.

Boca Juniors. A White Rhino?

Many claimed to have the answers. Vegans told us that not eating meat was the cure. His Holiness 1008 Shri Shri Soham Baba, a monk wearing orange robes and sporting a large silver tea pot, puts his money on greater spiritual awareness. He first noticed the effects of climate change while living in a cave in the Himalayas. More electric buses, more bicycles, less petrol burning cars, less long distance flights.

Everyone, it seemed, is green and no-one is polluting. One oil company executive told me his firm was exploiting oil reserves in the Ecuadoran Amazon causing the minimal amount of damage. A US navy rear admiral said he travelled the world and saw the undeniable effects of climate change in all corners, reports his findings to his government which simply chooses to continue polluting.

I visited the boat of a Swiss sailor, a former ski instructor, who noticed the ice melting around his office. Dario Schwörer embarked on a fifteen-year mission to highlight the effects of global warming by sailing the world, climbing all of the world’s highest mountains and using only his sails, his bike and his feet to do it. He’s travelling with his wife and four children. When the seas get choppy he hangs the kids from the ceiling on elastic ropes to keep them out of harms way. “Dangerous?” I asked him.

“No,” he replied. “Our biggest danger is from drunken drivers when we cycle through city centres.”

There were 194 countries represented in Durban. We could all cite many examples of any two countries with unresolved disputes stretching back hundreds of years. Try getting 194 to agree on anything.

The Rest...dung beetles?

Basically, the poor countries say they don’t pollute much yet suffer the worst of the droughts and the flooding caused by climate change which in turn has been caused by the rich world. The wealthy nations admit that there’s a problem but feel the developing countries should stop buring carbon fuels and take on equal responsibilities. And do India and especially China still qualify as developing nations?

The phrase circulating around the negotiating chambers was ‘equal but differentiated responsibilites.’ If ever there was a legal-political term designed to flumox the people then this is it. We’re all in the same boat, but some more than others.

As I’m sure you know by now, after some tense last minute huddling in dark corners, the negotiators saved the process and came up with the wording that pretty much brings all 194 nations on board.

The trouble now is that they’ll all have gone home and will, at this very moment, be poring over the small print with their lawyers to see just how differentiated they are and in what ways they can wheedle out of their full responsibilites. Meanwhile, the world continues to pollute, the temperatures are rising and the floods and droughts are becoming more severe and more frequent.

Of all the many people I spoke to, perhaps the most poignant was a young man from the remote Marshall Islands, somewhere out there in the Pacific Ocean. He was munching on a BigMac and fries during another of the many lulls in the negotiations. Every year, he said, they could observe the sea levels rising. “We move further inland,” he explained. “And one day we’ll have no-where left to go.”

I’ll be expanding my carbon footprint shortly with the flight back to Buenos Aires. By that time Boca Juniors will have finished celebrating their Apertura championship victory – unbeaten and out of sight of second-placed Racing Club.

They talk a lot in South Africa about the Big Five, the five mightiest beasts – lion, elephant, rhino, leopard and dung beetle. Sorry, that last one should read buffalo. I went on safari yesterday and only saw the rhino.

Buenos Aires has its own Big Five. Boca Juniors, River Plate, San Lorenzo, Racing Club and Independiente. Only Boca deserve that title at the moment. The rest? Dung beetles!!

 

Argentinos Juniors  0  Boca Juniors  0

This is my one-hundredth blog post since I started covering Argentina in August 2009 from the terraces of whichever ground Argentinos Juniors were playing at. And sometimes in front of the tele. My first game was against Boca Juniors and in a spookily coincidental way,  so was this one.

Telegram from the Queen perhaps?

That one was a 2-2 draw at their place,  this one a 0-0 at ours. The latest match was better than the score would suggest with the Bichos stand-in goalkeeper,  Nereo Fernandez,  playing the game of his life and the home-side’s front men,  profligate in front of the Boca goal.

In the early days,  The Hand of Dan was thankful for a trickle of curious traffic. It now receives tens of thousands of visitors each month and the numbers are rising. My knowledge of blogging is as sketchy now as it was then but I have become intrigued by the weird ways and twisted mentality of the spammers,  who send me a couple of hundred unwanted bits of rubbish mail each day.

For those of you who blog regularly,  you’ll know about the inconvenience of spam but if you don’t here’s some examples of the kind of thing that plagues my blogging life.

Getting rid of them is a daily chore but it does educate me about whole new aspects of this disturbed world in which we live.

To those of you who write in Arabic,  Russian,  Greek,  Hebrew and Hindi,  thanks for taking the trouble but I’ve no idea what you’re getting at. And to the mini-cab company in Blackburn,  Lancashire,  I’ll bear you mind should I ever find myself in your neighbourhood.

There are offers for cures for ailments I didn’t even know existed and I now wonder whether I should have cause for concern. Hair growing on the male member,  for instance. I’ll keep the spam,  just in case.

Acquired taste.

A ridiculous number offer sex in different places,  with different people in a variety of contorted and sometimes unhealthy sounding circumstances. And to those people I say: “There is more to life! Expand your horizons!” There’s football,  for a start. And basketball,  rugby,  tennis,  beer and books.

And one week I received a ridiculous amount of spam from clinics offering to cleanse,  for want of a politer term,  the poo tube. Could it have been because that weekend Argentinos Juniors played Colon…a team representing a city by the same name in the north-east of Argentina which in turn was named after Cristobal Colon,  known to English-speakers as Christopher Columbus?

I suspect that those selling Gucci handbags are not as authentic as they say they are and a handbag,  however fashionable and chic it may be,  will do nothing to enhance the tough-guy image of the barra brava at Argentinos Juniors.

I’ve a strong suspicion that neither Justin Bieber nor Lady Gaga are fans of Argentine football nor read my blog but mail purporting to be from them keeps landing in my inbox. In case I’m wrong,  thanks guys – I’m honoured.

We’ve all got egos that can be got at but I have trouble believing those mails that start with the words: “Your writing style is superb and I’ve no hesitation in saying that it’s changed the way I look at this vital subject.”

Off the wall comment.

Or the ones that sound like lyrics from a bad blues song: “My wife died last week and today the doctors told me I have terminal cancer and only have three weeks to live. I was going to end it all then I read your blog and it gave me a reason to hope.”

Most are in a style of English which makes me suspect they were not written by human beings. Like this for example: “I truly wanted to make a remark in order to thank you for all the stunning steps you are giving out at this site. I would claim that we readers actually are really endowed to live in a perfect site with very many outstanding professionals with good tactics. I feel quite blessed to have come across the web pages and look forward to really more pleasurable minutes reading here.” What!!?

It defeats and befuddles me why anyone would buy acne pills,  knitting patterns,  a time-share apartment in Marbella or hire an accountant in Cardiff,  Wales,  on the strength of an unsolicited mail that’s landed in your spam box. But I suppose there must be enough mugs out there to make it worth their while or they wouldn’t do it. Would they?

Back to the real and un-spam tainted world of Argentine football. That draw for Boca Juniors consolidates their top spot with a four point lead over Racing who only managed a 0-0 draw at San Lorenzo.

Tigre and All Boys drew 1-1 and Olimpo and Arsenal 2-2. San Martin won the battle between two of the newly-promoted sides with a 2-1 victory over Rafaela. Velez beat Independiente 1-0 at their place and Belgrano also clocked an away win – 3-2 at Estudiantes.

Banfield went back to losing ways — 1-0 at Union which keeps them and not Argentinos Juniors at the bottom of the pile. Lanus and Colon and Newell’s and Godoy Cruz all drew 1-1. The Newell’s manager, Javier Torrente, resigned after this game, the latest in what’s been a dismal season so far for the Rosario club.

 

 

 

Argentinos Juniors  0  Boca Juniors  2

It was only a fleeting glimpse and of course he’d shaved off the beard – well, he would, wouldn’t he – but I saw a bloke among the Boca Juniors fans who looked just like Osama bin Laden.

If you don’t buy the story that his bones are being picked clean at the bottom of the ocean and instead a deal was done to give him a new life away from terrorism, then where is the place you’d least expect to find him? Running a fish and chip shop in Doncaster? Selling hot dogs in Boston? Or working as a welder in Avellaneda just south of Buenos Aires and following Boca Juniors at the weekend?

Where's Osama?

Where's Osama?

In fact, where better than Argentina which has a history of harbouring criminals on the run from international justice? Hundreds of European Nazis came here after the Second World War, living comfortable lives and plotting the creation of the Fourth Reich, unmolested by either the local or the foreign authorities.

All that is, except one, whose case bears some similarities, and some stark differences, to that of Osama bin Laden.

Adolf Eichmann was a key player in the operation to transport and then exterminate millions of European Jews. He arrived in Buenos Aires in the early nineteen-fifties with false Red Cross papers and lived an unremarkable life with his family working, bizarrely, among other things, as a rabbit farmer.

He had a cunning plan which bamboozled the intelligence of international Nazi hunters for many years. “I vil change my name from Eichmann to Ricardo Clemens zen zee enemy vil nefer know my true identity.” His wife and kids still went by the name of Eichmann.

He lived unmolested for many years in Buenos Aires. In 1955 his wife gave birth to the couple’s fourth child. This failure to find him, whether intentional or through ineptitude, was on a par with the inability to pick up Bin Laden, living in a huge complex within sniper range of a military establishment.

Eichmann on trial

Eichmann on trial

Eichmann’s peace was shattered when his son, Klaus, became friendly with Sylvia Hermann, a young Jewish girl, the daughter of a holocaust survivor. The girl’s father became suspicious and contacted the Israeli authorities. They sent some of their top secret agents to investigate the former Obersturmbannfuhrer, who had moved from breeding rabbits to work at the Mercedes Benz factory.

They kidnapped and drugged him then took him to a safe house for interrogation. He was  given the choice of instant death or a trial in Israel. Bin Laden was given no such choice.

Eichmann was drugged and disguised as a flight attendant and bundled aboard an El Al flight to Israel. (Look carefully the next time a glazey-eyed steward spills coffee over you.) When the news got out, many in Argentina, especially on the right, were outraged by the encroachment on their sovereign territory. The Israelis didn’t admit to having him at first but when their prime minister, David Ben-Gurion, announced the operation to the Israeli parliament, he received a standing ovation.

Eichmann was tried before a civilian court where he blurted out that now famous line: “I was just following orders.” He was sentenced to death for crimes against humanity and crimes against the Jewish people and hanged on 31 May 1962, reportedly chanting: “Long live Germany. Long live Argentina. Long live Austria.”

I think we all understand the need to break some rules when in pursuit of evil-doers, especially if the host nation is not cooperating. What does leave me perturbed however were the boisterous celebrations on the streets of the United States. This was not a fucking Bruce Willis film.

The more civilised footballers, when scoring against their old clubs, mute their celebrations out of respect for their former fans and colleagues. Many indigenous tribes mourn the killing of the animals they hunt. There are things you’ve got to do because you’ve got to do them without the need to gloat.

Those crowds dancing in the streets brought to mind the spectators who used to attend public executions and cheered wildly when the axe-man raised the severed head in the air, cerebral entrails dripping on his work clothes.

Is Obama not revealing photos of the dead Osama because he’s worried they might incite anger in the radical Muslim world or because of the reaction he fears from blood-lusting Americans? Or both?

In the meantime, I’ll keep my eyes peeled in case I come across that Osama look-alike again. Now I think of it, there’s a bloke who works at the hardware shop around the corner who bears an uncanny resemblance to Saddam Hussein. Same moustache, anyway.

I’ll nip over there now to buy a new screwdriver since I’ve got some loose screws that need tightening. I’ll report back.

But first this match which I suppose I must mention. It was one of those games when nothing went right. Martin Palermo scored after just four minutes when the Argentinos Juniors keeper, Nico Navarro let tumble what looked like a fairly tame cross.

Nothing to cheer about...

Nothing to cheer about...

Then the always controversial, never happy Juan Pablo Riquelme almost smiled after scoring their second, from a direct free-kick while the referee had his arm up to indicate that it was indirect. Shouldn’t they know the rules before they let them out with a whistle?

Argentinos Juniors’ attacks on the opposition goal are so seldom these days that future opponents might think about resting their goalkeepers and playing an extra attacker.

This defeat, only the second this season, means the best that Argentinos can hope for with the five games that remain is mid-table mediocrity. The truth is that I can’t remember the last decent game they played. And to think, this time last year, we were building up to take the championship. It all seems so long ago!

A win for Boca Juniors, any win, is big news here so it was all over Monday’s front pages and beyond. River Plate lost 2 0 at home to All Boys so that uses up an almost equal amount of ink. Godoy Cruz beat stumbling, bumbling Newell’s 3-1 and Olimpo plunged Huracan into further crisis, beating them 2-1 at their place. Racing beat Arsenal by the same score and Tigre thumped Colon 3-0. Independiente and San Lorenzo, Lanus and Estudiantes and Quilmes and Gimnasia all drew. Velez sit solidly at the top of the table, with a four point lead after beating Banfield 2-0.

Boca Juniors  0  Argenetinos Juniors  2

It’s quite an experience to enter into the lair of the dragon then emerge, exuberant,  two hours later with a couple of bags of his goodies. The Bombonera is big, noisy and potentially intimidating. But not to us, the hardy supporters of modest Argentinos Juniors, nor to the players who put on a brave performance and snuck away with two late goals – one from Santiago Gentiletti, the other from Ciro Riuz.

We owe a huge dollop of thanks to the Argentinos ‘keeper, Nicolas Navarro, who put on a performance of breathtaking agility. This game marked the return to the Boca ranks of their miserable but masterful maestro, Juan Roman Riquelme. He’s been out injured for six months and there were times when I could see why he’s been sorely missed. His vision and passing were sublime. Unfortunately for Boca, their aging war horse, Martin Palermo, looked like he needed to be retired to nibble grass in a meadow.

Dragon's Lair

Dragon's Lair

Boca are in crisis. So are their main rivals, River Plate. The two meet in their next match for the so-called superclasico – a fixture looking less and less a clasico and a long way from super.

How they must pine for the days, not so long ago, when Mauricio Macri was their president and if a trophy sparkled, Boca won it. He’s now mayor of Buenos Aires. The city muddles through. It’s hard to know to what degree its successes and failures can be accredited to him.

He is basically the son of a very wealthy businessman who adopted Boca as his toy and then did much the same with the city council, possibly using it as a springboard for a career in national politics.

In my line of work I’ve had what some would call the privilege, others would say was the misfortune to meet a fair few politicians. What has always surprised me, with one or two notable exceptions, is that they always came across as less intelligent than their public image led us to believe they were. Often, they were just downright thick, or somehow lacking in the kind of worldliness you’d expect of a person who represents the people.

The truth is that if you’re not a self-serving, hypocritical, arse-licking, two-faced piece of shit when you go into the business, you’d better become one very soon if you’re to survive and prosper.

Most of us, because we’re nice people with ideals and compassion, look at the options and say: “No thank-you very much. I’m going to earn my living as a carpenter or a professional footballer or work on the supermarket check-out where I get to shout several times a day: “More change please Mavis.”

Intrepid Bichos

Intrepid Bichos

But we need politicians, apparently. So we’re left in a terrible situation where none of us, because we’re nice people with ideals and compassion, is willing to take on this essential service. Instead, we’ve got the kind of people making decisions on our behalf we’d certainly not want to share a beer with and probably wouldn’t even let into our homes to unblock our toilets.

Because we’re not willing to take on this task, do we have the right to criticise those who do? Of course we bloody do! So I will. This mild rant is merely a prelude to an attack on an Argentine politician who I’ve not met but have recently taken a particular dislike to as a result of a couple of stupid comments he’s made.

The target of my vitriol is the economy minister, Amado Boudou. He’s a youngish, trendy sort of chap often photographed at the better Buenos Aires restaurants. Economy minister in Argentina is one of the few jobs more precarious than first division football manager. That’s mostly because they’re ineffectual puppets and that’s because the president, or more recently the former president, Nestor Kirchner, until he died last month, runs the economy.

Then, as soon as something goes wrong the minister gets the blame and is sacked and replaced by someone equally as ineffectual. The other reason they’re sacked is if they forget their place and speak out of turn. Boudou’s days are numbered.

Firstly, in a row between the government and the main media groups, he accused the two major newspapers of being like the people who cleared out the Nazi gas chambers. Not surprisingly, he provoked outrage in the Jewish community both in Argentina and beyond.

He was forced to make a half-hearted and none-too-convincing apology. Then, learning nothing from his experience, he said that inflation was a problem that only concerned the middle and upper classes. He added that the true rate of inflation in Argentina is, anyway, what the official statistics office, INDEC, says it is.

Inflation in Argentina is one of the highest in the world. Meat now costs double what it cost last year. Milk and bread are about 50% more. But INDEC would have us believe that annual inflation is no more than 10%.

Boudou. Be-doobie-doo!

Boudou. Be-doobie-doo!

Their monthly announcements are met with snorts of derision and incredulity. It’s certainly true that the middle and upper classes are suffering. The price of pilates classes has gone up, taxi drivers recently increased their tariffs and the cost of sending your kids to private schools goes up at least 20% a year.

But the working classes and the people in the shanty towns also need milk, bread and clothes for themselves and their children. Some have received wage increases, many have not. The shanty towns are growing, the number of people sleeping on the streets has gone up, along with the figures for those who have fallen below the poverty line.

But INDEC also changes the figures related to poverty to make the government look better. Since INDEC have all the tools at their disposal and the rest of us simply shop, it was at first difficult to challenge their credibility with our anecdotal evidence. But, eventually, the truth will out.

We shop every day and the prices rise pretty much every day. The workers at INDEC have been known to leave their desks and protest on the streets that they were not being allowed to do their jobs without government interference.

Newspapers employ an army of independent economists to produce an inflation figure closer to the true one that we experience every day.

Last month, a leading delegate at an international conference in Chile complained about the presence there of the head of INDEC, Ana Edwin. The former head of statistics in Canada, Jacob Ryten, called her invitation deplorable.

He said that inviting Edwin was like inviting a convicted thief to discuss the sanctity of private property.

But this blog remains inflation proof. It costs nothing and will continue to cost nothing. It looks to me like Estudiantes are running away with the Apertura title. After a 3-0 Friday night win over Lanus, they’re now clear of second placed Velez, who keep up the pressure with a 3-2 win at Banfield. Olimpo trounced Huracan 4-0. Racing and Arsenal drew 2-2 and Newell’s and Godoy Cruz shared the spoils without goals. With the superclasico between Boca and River just around the corner, River are also in crisis after losing 1-0 at All Boys. The Bichos’s next opponents, San Lorenzo drew 1-1 with Independiente and Colon beat Tigre 1-0. The bottom club, Quilmes, lost 1-0 to the team just above them, Gimnasia. The players’ bus was attacked by their own fans then, when they arrived back at their ground, they found their cars had been vandalised. Football is no fun when you’re losing.