Tigre  1  Argentinos Juniors  1

The season kind of fizzled out to a damp end for Argentinos Juniors. But after the unexpected joy of being crowned champions at this stage of last season, I guess this one was always going to be a bit of an anti-climax.

This match at mediocre, mid-table Tigre typified our season. Thanks to the thoughtful industry of Nestor Ortigoza and Juan Mercier, Argentinos Juniors dominated the midfield but their good work, as throughout much of season, usually came to nothing because of the dearth of ideas and options in attack.

Reasons to be Thoughtful

Reasons to be Thoughtful

We were unlucky to go behind in the dying seconds of first half injury time when the referee awarded what was quite clearly not a penalty to Tigre. He was so far from the action that carrier pigeons might have been a better way of relaying to him what was happening in the penalty area than his own eyes.

The Red Bugs came out after the break with all guns blazing and after seventeen minutes Ciro Ruis headed home a well-deserved equaliser. Then they blew and they blew but they couldn’t blow that Tigre house down and 1-1 it finished.

I’m hopeful for next season, but only if the manager, Pedro Troglio, can hide Ortigoza and Merciers’ car keys and burn their passports. I’d also throw goalkeeper, Nico Navarro, into that pot since it’s around these three that a decent team can be built.

They’ve also got a couple of nifty little guys, Hobbits, in Franco Niell and Dario Ocampo, who are great on the ball but sometimes get lost in the long grass.

I saw the top two teams meet in a dull 0-0 earlier in the season. It was a match so boring and so bereft of fundamental footballing skills that, if I’d had wool and a couple of needles with me, I’d have taken up knitting.

Time to rest - and replenish paper stocks

Time to rest - and replenish paper stocks

It just goes to show that there’s not a huge gap in quality between the twenty teams in the top division. One or two players and a manager who can tell a decent midfielder from a field of corn can make all the difference. The other big factor is having a club administration that is not riddled with corruption, idiocy and general uselessness – and there ain’t many of those in the Argentine league.

Pedro Troglio replaced our championship winning manager, Claudio Borghi, at the beginning of the season. And while he didn’t exactly have to re-build from scratch, he did have to impose his style of play on a squad depleted by a number of departures from the 2010 Clausura.

The start of the season was a disaster with the first victory not celebrated until game eight against Banfield.

There was that delightful three-game winning streak, including the 2-0 thumping of Boca Juniors at their place, in the middle of the season. Boca only finished one place above Argentinos Juniors and fizzled out their season with a 1-1 home draw against dire Gimnasia. Their predicament will no doubt be clouded by the euphoria provoked by Martin Palermo scoring his 300th goal for the club. I suspect much of their hope for next season will rest on the shoulders of the old war horse and his fellow geriatric, the most miserable man in football, Juan Roman Riquelme.

See You Next Season

See You Next Season

River Plate could be back on form. They bowed out in style with a string of wins, culminating in 4-1 thumping of Lanus and look to have secured the services of the manager who made that possible, JJ Lopez.

Newly promoted Olimpo and Quilmes are newly relegated. While Gimnasia and Huracan must battle it out with the teams finishing third and fourth in the division below them to retain their places alongside the elite.

As the champions before last, Argentinos Juniors, along with Estudiantes, Godoy Cruz and Velez Sarsfield, will be playing international football next season, in the Libertadores Cup. Independiente, who finished last, will join them since they won the regional trophy that only the winners take much notice of, the South American  Cup.

So it’s football from a distance for me for a few weeks. I’ll be watching the Premiership from my living room with the windows open, the fan whirring and a cold drink at hand, laughing uproariously at the bizarre but no doubt effective woollen clothing items that European fans don to survive sub-zero temperatures.

Hasta la vista, babies!

Boca Juniors  0  Argenetinos Juniors  2

It’s quite an experience to enter into the lair of the dragon then emerge, exuberant,  two hours later with a couple of bags of his goodies. The Bombonera is big, noisy and potentially intimidating. But not to us, the hardy supporters of modest Argentinos Juniors, nor to the players who put on a brave performance and snuck away with two late goals – one from Santiago Gentiletti, the other from Ciro Riuz.

We owe a huge dollop of thanks to the Argentinos ‘keeper, Nicolas Navarro, who put on a performance of breathtaking agility. This game marked the return to the Boca ranks of their miserable but masterful maestro, Juan Roman Riquelme. He’s been out injured for six months and there were times when I could see why he’s been sorely missed. His vision and passing were sublime. Unfortunately for Boca, their aging war horse, Martin Palermo, looked like he needed to be retired to nibble grass in a meadow.

Dragon's Lair

Dragon's Lair

Boca are in crisis. So are their main rivals, River Plate. The two meet in their next match for the so-called superclasico – a fixture looking less and less a clasico and a long way from super.

How they must pine for the days, not so long ago, when Mauricio Macri was their president and if a trophy sparkled, Boca won it. He’s now mayor of Buenos Aires. The city muddles through. It’s hard to know to what degree its successes and failures can be accredited to him.

He is basically the son of a very wealthy businessman who adopted Boca as his toy and then did much the same with the city council, possibly using it as a springboard for a career in national politics.

In my line of work I’ve had what some would call the privilege, others would say was the misfortune to meet a fair few politicians. What has always surprised me, with one or two notable exceptions, is that they always came across as less intelligent than their public image led us to believe they were. Often, they were just downright thick, or somehow lacking in the kind of worldliness you’d expect of a person who represents the people.

The truth is that if you’re not a self-serving, hypocritical, arse-licking, two-faced piece of shit when you go into the business, you’d better become one very soon if you’re to survive and prosper.

Most of us, because we’re nice people with ideals and compassion, look at the options and say: “No thank-you very much. I’m going to earn my living as a carpenter or a professional footballer or work on the supermarket check-out where I get to shout several times a day: “More change please Mavis.”

Intrepid Bichos

Intrepid Bichos

But we need politicians, apparently. So we’re left in a terrible situation where none of us, because we’re nice people with ideals and compassion, is willing to take on this essential service. Instead, we’ve got the kind of people making decisions on our behalf we’d certainly not want to share a beer with and probably wouldn’t even let into our homes to unblock our toilets.

Because we’re not willing to take on this task, do we have the right to criticise those who do? Of course we bloody do! So I will. This mild rant is merely a prelude to an attack on an Argentine politician who I’ve not met but have recently taken a particular dislike to as a result of a couple of stupid comments he’s made.

The target of my vitriol is the economy minister, Amado Boudou. He’s a youngish, trendy sort of chap often photographed at the better Buenos Aires restaurants. Economy minister in Argentina is one of the few jobs more precarious than first division football manager. That’s mostly because they’re ineffectual puppets and that’s because the president, or more recently the former president, Nestor Kirchner, until he died last month, runs the economy.

Then, as soon as something goes wrong the minister gets the blame and is sacked and replaced by someone equally as ineffectual. The other reason they’re sacked is if they forget their place and speak out of turn. Boudou’s days are numbered.

Firstly, in a row between the government and the main media groups, he accused the two major newspapers of being like the people who cleared out the Nazi gas chambers. Not surprisingly, he provoked outrage in the Jewish community both in Argentina and beyond.

He was forced to make a half-hearted and none-too-convincing apology. Then, learning nothing from his experience, he said that inflation was a problem that only concerned the middle and upper classes. He added that the true rate of inflation in Argentina is, anyway, what the official statistics office, INDEC, says it is.

Inflation in Argentina is one of the highest in the world. Meat now costs double what it cost last year. Milk and bread are about 50% more. But INDEC would have us believe that annual inflation is no more than 10%.

Boudou. Be-doobie-doo!

Boudou. Be-doobie-doo!

Their monthly announcements are met with snorts of derision and incredulity. It’s certainly true that the middle and upper classes are suffering. The price of pilates classes has gone up, taxi drivers recently increased their tariffs and the cost of sending your kids to private schools goes up at least 20% a year.

But the working classes and the people in the shanty towns also need milk, bread and clothes for themselves and their children. Some have received wage increases, many have not. The shanty towns are growing, the number of people sleeping on the streets has gone up, along with the figures for those who have fallen below the poverty line.

But INDEC also changes the figures related to poverty to make the government look better. Since INDEC have all the tools at their disposal and the rest of us simply shop, it was at first difficult to challenge their credibility with our anecdotal evidence. But, eventually, the truth will out.

We shop every day and the prices rise pretty much every day. The workers at INDEC have been known to leave their desks and protest on the streets that they were not being allowed to do their jobs without government interference.

Newspapers employ an army of independent economists to produce an inflation figure closer to the true one that we experience every day.

Last month, a leading delegate at an international conference in Chile complained about the presence there of the head of INDEC, Ana Edwin. The former head of statistics in Canada, Jacob Ryten, called her invitation deplorable.

He said that inviting Edwin was like inviting a convicted thief to discuss the sanctity of private property.

But this blog remains inflation proof. It costs nothing and will continue to cost nothing. It looks to me like Estudiantes are running away with the Apertura title. After a 3-0 Friday night win over Lanus, they’re now clear of second placed Velez, who keep up the pressure with a 3-2 win at Banfield. Olimpo trounced Huracan 4-0. Racing and Arsenal drew 2-2 and Newell’s and Godoy Cruz shared the spoils without goals. With the superclasico between Boca and River just around the corner, River are also in crisis after losing 1-0 at All Boys. The Bichos’s next opponents, San Lorenzo drew 1-1 with Independiente and Colon beat Tigre 1-0. The bottom club, Quilmes, lost 1-0 to the team just above them, Gimnasia. The players’ bus was attacked by their own fans then, when they arrived back at their ground, they found their cars had been vandalised. Football is no fun when you’re losing.

Independiente  1  Argentinos Juniors  1

If you’ve never been to Buenos Aires you possibly have an image of a city that moves to the two-by-four beat of the tango, a metropolis where men in nineteen-thirties suits and slicked-back hair lean on lampposts whistling at attractive women in pencil skirts and fishnet stockings before taking them by the hand and dramatically swinging them to within a millimetre of the ground as a prelude to a jerky, seductive dance.

I have seen that happen here but not often. If you were going to see it, August would be the month with the Buenos Aires Tango Festival in full swing, culminating in the Tango World Cup. The festival is a positive orgy of tango and music at venues across the city. The organisers would have us believe that Buenos Aires moves to the beat of the tango.

Two by Four - Not 4-4-2

Two by Four - Not 4-4-2

But the truth is that you can go days without hearing it and sometimes several long weeks without seeing a woman in stiletto heels and fishnet stockings. This morning my local supermarket was playing, would you believe, Men At Work, my kids and their mates are much more into Franz Ferdinand and Arctic Monkeys than Carlos Gardel and Osvaldo Pugliese and a whole generation of Argentines spurned tango in favour of local rockers,  Charly Garcia and Fito Paez.

The reality is that the city moves to the beat of leather against leather, or whatever light-weight synthetic material they make boots and footballs out of these days. Football is the fibre of the fabric of everyday life.

When there’s football on, and there’s nearly always football on, the caretakers who maintain the blocks of flats where most residents of Buenos Aires, or portenos, live, the security guards in their cabins on nearly every middle-class street corner and pretty much every bar and cafe have their radios or TVs switched on.

The rapid-fire commentary broken only by the occasional elongated ‘goooooooooool’ wafts over the city, mingling with the smell of cooking meat and diesel fumes.

Most macho greetings will mix a reference to a recent game with an un-mistakenly hetero-sexual kiss and a hearty back slap.

Monday’s front pages always carry a big photograph of a River Plate or a Boca Juniors player celebrating a goal. If they both lose or draw 0-0 then you might get Independiente or Racing. Tracksuits, socks, pencil cases, bags, hats, ties and mobile phone cases all carry club insignia.

Forty percent of all Argentines support Boca Juniors. A large chunk of the remaining 60 percent follow River Plate with the remainder spread out among the rest.

The chief cabinet minister, Anibal Fernandez, was recently elected vice-president of newly promoted top division club, Quilmes, raising all sorts of questions about conflict of interests. The government, afterall, negotiates multi-million dollar deals to show all top division games live on TV.

Nestor Kirchner, the former president and now head of UNASUR, which groups South American nations together, always gives visiting dignitaries a shirt from his favourite team, Racing Club.

Riquelme - Reasons to be Cheerful

Riquelme - Reasons to be Cheerful

I’ve yet to see either the Brazilian president, Inacio Lula da Silva, or his Venezuelan counterpart, Hugo Chavez, wear theirs as they address their respective parliaments.

There’s a daily menu of murder and corruption and business deals and great cultural happenings in Argentina, as there is anywhere else in the world. But perhaps the biggest talking point and one of the most read on-line stories in recent weeks was whether or not  Juan Roman Riquelme would sign a new contract for Boca Juniors.  He did. And he got paid several million dollars for the effort. But did he smile? No, of course he didn’t. He’s a great player but I don’t think I’ve seen such a whingeing, miserable personality  in my life.

His perpetual sullenness has done nothing to dampen his popularity, I suspect because many Argentines see something of themselves in him. This is a nation that loves to whinge.

My complaint is that they  complain too much when the truth is, they’ve got it pretty good.

They’ve got great fertile plains, a long and beautiful coastline and dramatic mountains. They produce some of the best wine and beef in the world. They’ve got a cultured and well-educated population, a fascinating capital city, some of the best footballers in the world and tango.

They’ve also got a long tradition of producing self-serving, corrupt politicians who do a fine job of screwing things up. But they provide a useful service by giving their people plenty to complain about.

And talking of complaining: What’s gone wrong with Argentinos Juniors?  Just one point from two games! This was always going to be an anti-climatic season after the unexpected highs of the Clausura.

An obligatory visit to the in-laws out in Chacabuco, about four hours west of Buenos Aires, prevented me from getting to the Independiente stadium for what sounded like a decent game. The reports say the visitors were lucky to come away with a point but did play some decent football in the first half.

Nestor Ortigoza returned only to earn himself a red card and will miss the next game, away to old rivals Velez. Velez are one of five teams with maximum points after the opening two games – the others being Estudiantes, Banfield, Racing and River.

Argentinos Juniors  3  Gimnasia y Esgrima de la Plata  1

My voice is a little hoarse from all the shouting at this afternoon’s game so you’ll have lean closer to the screen. The Red Bugs were back on form and, but for a nimble visiting goalkeeper, would have won this game 6-1.

Nestor Ortigoza doesn’t miss from the penalty spot and put Argentinos Juniors on their way after Ismael Sosa was brought down in the area. Gimnasia, a big club with relegation worries, equalised in the second half but the home side, with fine goals from Sosa and Santiago Raymonda, clinched it to leave us in second place, just a point behind the leaders, Estudiantes, with three games to play.

World Cup fever is beginning to bite here in Buenos Aires and the reason I can tell is that twelve-year-old boys are huddled in groups swapping their World Cup stickers.

“I’ve got three Stephane Grichtings of Switzerland – I’ll swap you one for Australia’s Luke Wilkshire.” At no other time are players so obscure held in such high esteem across the world.

At the moment, we’ve only got one Mexican but a glut of Cristiano Ronaldos. He’s worth nothing. What we need are more North Koreans. Kim Kum-Il would do or a Pak Nam-Chol. We’ll give you a Dirk Kuyt in exchange. He’s easy.

Got Beckham

Got Beckham

I’ve long wondered whether David Beckham collects stickers of himself. He must be tempted, surely? “Ooh look,” he says, opening his packets over the breakfast table. “I’ve got me – again. I’ll give Giggsy a ring and see if he wants to swap me for Diego Forlan.”

“No you don’t,” shrieks Posh. “You’re keeping it. I want to stick you on the wall above my bed.”

“No,” scream the kids. “Beckhams are easy. Everyone’s got them. We want Carlos Costly of Honduras, number 618. He’s much better. Or Slovenia’s Nejc Pecnik. He’s worth three Beckhams.”

Closer to the World Cup, when our album is a little fuller, we’ll head to the Parque Centenario where boys and girls and those with them, otherwise known as ‘grown men who collect football stickers but pretend it’s their kids that are doing it because they’re too embarrassed to admit it,’ gather to trade.

We were there in 2006 when the scene at times resembled the floor of the Buenos Aires stock market just before one of the country’s many economic crashes.

Rumours were flashing around that the lad in the blue coat had a bucketful of spare Junichi Inamotos of Japan and West Bromwich Albion but he only needed a couple of Serb defenders to complete his album. Five-year-olds know that a hard-to-come-by Jermaine Defoe will fetch five easy to obtain Paraguayans. The rules of supply and demand are practised here in their most naked form.

This being Latin America, speculators have moved in. Men in dirty raincoats who have never really learned to shave properly, lurk on the outskirts of the park. They know the cash value of an Edison Cavani of Uruguay sticker. They know who’s rare and whether there’s a glut of Yacine Bezzaz’s of Algeria.

“Psst! I’ve got Chileans,” they’ll hiss through yellow teeth. “And the New Zealand goalkeeper.”

Do these guys have relations working at the sticker distribution plant? I don’t know, but you can guarantee that whenever and wherever there’s a demand, these fellows will come crawling out of the drains. They’re probably the same people who, within minutes of the first raindrop falling, are on every street corner selling umbrellas or before every Argentina game are at the traffic lights flogging sky-blue and white hats, shirts and horns.

I might see if they can come up with the Gerd Muller I need to complete my 1974 collection. And c’mon guys! Who’s hoarding all the Mexicans?

I don't know what this means.

I don't know what this means. Pic by Lucas

We’ve already got Martin Palermo of Argentina and Boca Juniors and so, probably, has his Boca teammate, Juan Roman Riquelme – pinned to his darts board. For the two men, who form the backbone of the Boca team, hate one another with a passion. Their petty squabbling may go a large way to explaining why this usually regal beauty of Argentine football looks at the moment like an overweight tart cadging smokes at her local pub on a Saturday night.

Normally, you’d expect their great city rival, River Plate, to be gloating over this demise. But  they too are slumped near the foot of the table with their own fishnet stockings torn and lipstick smudged across their pudgy cheeks.

Martin Palermo is all blood, guts and passion. He puts his life on the line in every game and even when he’s not wearing a head bandage seeping blood, you feel as though he should be.

Riquelme is a tortured soul, intelligent, independent and some say, just plain weird. The Boca fans are split on whether he’s good for the team. There are those who say he’s one of the best playmakers the club has ever had. Others complain he doesn’t run enough and sows discontent in the dressing room.

He supplied the pass in a recent match that enabled Martin Palermo to score his 219th Boca Juniors goal – a club record. But rather than join in the back-slapping and buttock groping, or whatever it is they get up to in those celebratory rucks, Juan Roman sauntered off in the other direction to file his nails, his nose stuck snootily in the air.

Claudio Borghi

Claudio 'Bichi' Borghi

Palermo accused Riquelme of a whole host of things from not passing the ball to him enough to saying nasty things about him behind his back to borrowing his soap without asking. Riquelme responded and the club authorities had to ask them to tone it down. It seems to have worked since Riquelme supplied the pass that enabled Palermo to score in today’s 2-0 victory over San Lorenzo and the two men then hugged, kissed and danced the tango together.

What concerns me most about all this turmoil at Boca is that rumours have begun circulating that they’re keen to poach the Argentinos Juniors manager, Claudio ‘Bichi’ Borghi. He’s done fine things in a very short with limited resources at this modest little club. What might he do, so the thinking goes, to revitalise a slumbering giant like Boca Juniors?

Don’t go Borghi! We wouldn’t swap you for a whole team of Mexican stickers, even with a Carlos Costly and the North Korean badge thrown in for good measure.