Lanus  0  Argentinos Juniors  1

With this victory Argentinos Juniors become king makers and party-poopers at the same time.

Lanus had launched a late challenge to Velez Sarsfield who had looked like the only title contenders for some time. If Lanus had won this one, they’d have been just a point behind Velez with a game to play.

But true to form, the Bichos played much better away from home to win this game with a Nico Blandi goal in the second half that leaves Velez, who’d beaten Huracan 2-0 earlier in the day, four points clear at the top of the table and uncatchable.

The hero of the afternoon was our goalkeeper, the young Luis Ojeda who was outstanding.

One to watch -- Luis Ojeda

One to watch -- Luis Ojeda

So now that the title has been settled, we’ve still got the Copa America to look forward to, beginning in Argentina on July 1st. And then the presidential elections in October.

That looks like being duller than this football season that’s drawing to a lacklustre close. There really is only one contender for this one, and she’s not sure she wants to play. The opinion polls all put President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner out in front.

But she’s rumoured to be: a) still mourning the death last October of her husband, the former president, Nestor Kirchner. b) None too fit herself with regular bouts of illness that have forced her to cancel important trips and meetings. c) Perturbed by scandals lurking in the political backwoods that threaten to sneak up and bite her ankles.

But if not her, then who? Her own governing Peronist party is peopled by thugs, nerds and light-weights. Some boast just one of these less than savoury characteristics, others all three. But what none of them seem to have is vision or charisma.

And the opposition is a confusing mish-mash of bickering individuals. If any of them did, by some quirk, find themselves with the presidential sash draped over their shoulder then the first thing I imagine they’d do would be to run from the presidential palace into the street screaming: “What do I do now?!”

The newspapers are filled daily with page after page about who has met who and who might form alliances and who might not. Ricardo Alfonsin, the son of the former president, Raul, probably tops the pile of ‘the rest.’ There’s Francisco de Narvaez, interesting for the tattoo on his neck, and …..  I’m sorry, I can’t go on. I’ll return to the football.

Another one who decided this weekend that he’d had enough is the old Boca Juniors warhorse, Martin Palermo. He played his last game at the club’s Bombonera stadium in the 1-1 draw with Banfield. But the game was really just an excuse for the fans to celebrate a man who never pulled out of a challenge and never gave less than 100% in any game.

Diego Maradona was back at the ground after a two-year absence to join in the celebrations.

Palermo scored 194 goals in two spells at Boca in 317 games. Most of them were not beautiful. His tended to be the head that reached the ball in the middle of a ruck or the toe that stabbed it home while being muscled by a couple of burly defenders. But they were often vital goals at vital times which partly explains why the Boca fans hold him so dear to their hearts.

Martin Palermo - Old Warhorse

Martin Palermo - Old Warhorse

He also put in his fair share for Estudiantes and for the Argentina national team, scoring the goal in extra time in the rain against Peru for the team to qualify for the 2010 World Cup when all seemed lost.

I’m pleased to announce that I’ll be watching my football from now on in High Definition having had the relevant box delivered by our new providers. But it was prefaced by one of those stories that leaves you asking: “Did they really say that?”

They told us the man with the box would visit us for installation between 8am and 4pm. That lack of precision is annoying but common the world over and we accepted it with good grace. “But he won’t come if it’s raining.”

“What?! It’s an indoor installation that requires no outdoor activity whatsoever.”

“That’s the agreement. If it rains, they don’t work. Health and safety.”

It didn’t rain and he came and everything is now so much clearer, so much more definition. The great irony of course, is that while artificial life on my TV is clearer, outside my front door the real world has gone all blurry.

That’s because of ash blown up from an angry volcano deep down in southern Chile that’s caused havoc with flights in and out of everywhere in this part of the world and has left a thin film of ash coating Buenos Aires.

But that burst of volcanic anger will pale into nothingness against the eruption that will be provoked if mighty River Plate drop out of the top division. They didn’t do themselves any favours with a feeble 1-1 against Estudiantes and still sit precariously above the danger zone with just a game to play.

Arsenal beat Colon 1-0 on Saturday. Quilmes helped their survival hopes with a 2-0 win at San Lorenzo. All Boys beat Gimnasia 1-0, Tigre and Independiente drew 0-0 and Olimpo and Newell’s 1-1.

Argentinos Juniors  0  Boca Juniors  2

It was only a fleeting glimpse and of course he’d shaved off the beard – well, he would, wouldn’t he – but I saw a bloke among the Boca Juniors fans who looked just like Osama bin Laden.

If you don’t buy the story that his bones are being picked clean at the bottom of the ocean and instead a deal was done to give him a new life away from terrorism, then where is the place you’d least expect to find him? Running a fish and chip shop in Doncaster? Selling hot dogs in Boston? Or working as a welder in Avellaneda just south of Buenos Aires and following Boca Juniors at the weekend?

Where's Osama?

Where's Osama?

In fact, where better than Argentina which has a history of harbouring criminals on the run from international justice? Hundreds of European Nazis came here after the Second World War, living comfortable lives and plotting the creation of the Fourth Reich, unmolested by either the local or the foreign authorities.

All that is, except one, whose case bears some similarities, and some stark differences, to that of Osama bin Laden.

Adolf Eichmann was a key player in the operation to transport and then exterminate millions of European Jews. He arrived in Buenos Aires in the early nineteen-fifties with false Red Cross papers and lived an unremarkable life with his family working, bizarrely, among other things, as a rabbit farmer.

He had a cunning plan which bamboozled the intelligence of international Nazi hunters for many years. “I vil change my name from Eichmann to Ricardo Clemens zen zee enemy vil nefer know my true identity.” His wife and kids still went by the name of Eichmann.

He lived unmolested for many years in Buenos Aires. In 1955 his wife gave birth to the couple’s fourth child. This failure to find him, whether intentional or through ineptitude, was on a par with the inability to pick up Bin Laden, living in a huge complex within sniper range of a military establishment.

Eichmann on trial

Eichmann on trial

Eichmann’s peace was shattered when his son, Klaus, became friendly with Sylvia Hermann, a young Jewish girl, the daughter of a holocaust survivor. The girl’s father became suspicious and contacted the Israeli authorities. They sent some of their top secret agents to investigate the former Obersturmbannfuhrer, who had moved from breeding rabbits to work at the Mercedes Benz factory.

They kidnapped and drugged him then took him to a safe house for interrogation. He was  given the choice of instant death or a trial in Israel. Bin Laden was given no such choice.

Eichmann was drugged and disguised as a flight attendant and bundled aboard an El Al flight to Israel. (Look carefully the next time a glazey-eyed steward spills coffee over you.) When the news got out, many in Argentina, especially on the right, were outraged by the encroachment on their sovereign territory. The Israelis didn’t admit to having him at first but when their prime minister, David Ben-Gurion, announced the operation to the Israeli parliament, he received a standing ovation.

Eichmann was tried before a civilian court where he blurted out that now famous line: “I was just following orders.” He was sentenced to death for crimes against humanity and crimes against the Jewish people and hanged on 31 May 1962, reportedly chanting: “Long live Germany. Long live Argentina. Long live Austria.”

I think we all understand the need to break some rules when in pursuit of evil-doers, especially if the host nation is not cooperating. What does leave me perturbed however were the boisterous celebrations on the streets of the United States. This was not a fucking Bruce Willis film.

The more civilised footballers, when scoring against their old clubs, mute their celebrations out of respect for their former fans and colleagues. Many indigenous tribes mourn the killing of the animals they hunt. There are things you’ve got to do because you’ve got to do them without the need to gloat.

Those crowds dancing in the streets brought to mind the spectators who used to attend public executions and cheered wildly when the axe-man raised the severed head in the air, cerebral entrails dripping on his work clothes.

Is Obama not revealing photos of the dead Osama because he’s worried they might incite anger in the radical Muslim world or because of the reaction he fears from blood-lusting Americans? Or both?

In the meantime, I’ll keep my eyes peeled in case I come across that Osama look-alike again. Now I think of it, there’s a bloke who works at the hardware shop around the corner who bears an uncanny resemblance to Saddam Hussein. Same moustache, anyway.

I’ll nip over there now to buy a new screwdriver since I’ve got some loose screws that need tightening. I’ll report back.

But first this match which I suppose I must mention. It was one of those games when nothing went right. Martin Palermo scored after just four minutes when the Argentinos Juniors keeper, Nico Navarro let tumble what looked like a fairly tame cross.

Nothing to cheer about...

Nothing to cheer about...

Then the always controversial, never happy Juan Pablo Riquelme almost smiled after scoring their second, from a direct free-kick while the referee had his arm up to indicate that it was indirect. Shouldn’t they know the rules before they let them out with a whistle?

Argentinos Juniors’ attacks on the opposition goal are so seldom these days that future opponents might think about resting their goalkeepers and playing an extra attacker.

This defeat, only the second this season, means the best that Argentinos can hope for with the five games that remain is mid-table mediocrity. The truth is that I can’t remember the last decent game they played. And to think, this time last year, we were building up to take the championship. It all seems so long ago!

A win for Boca Juniors, any win, is big news here so it was all over Monday’s front pages and beyond. River Plate lost 2 0 at home to All Boys so that uses up an almost equal amount of ink. Godoy Cruz beat stumbling, bumbling Newell’s 3-1 and Olimpo plunged Huracan into further crisis, beating them 2-1 at their place. Racing beat Arsenal by the same score and Tigre thumped Colon 3-0. Independiente and San Lorenzo, Lanus and Estudiantes and Quilmes and Gimnasia all drew. Velez sit solidly at the top of the table, with a four point lead after beating Banfield 2-0.

Tigre  1  Argentinos Juniors  1

The season kind of fizzled out to a damp end for Argentinos Juniors. But after the unexpected joy of being crowned champions at this stage of last season, I guess this one was always going to be a bit of an anti-climax.

This match at mediocre, mid-table Tigre typified our season. Thanks to the thoughtful industry of Nestor Ortigoza and Juan Mercier, Argentinos Juniors dominated the midfield but their good work, as throughout much of season, usually came to nothing because of the dearth of ideas and options in attack.

Reasons to be Thoughtful

Reasons to be Thoughtful

We were unlucky to go behind in the dying seconds of first half injury time when the referee awarded what was quite clearly not a penalty to Tigre. He was so far from the action that carrier pigeons might have been a better way of relaying to him what was happening in the penalty area than his own eyes.

The Red Bugs came out after the break with all guns blazing and after seventeen minutes Ciro Ruis headed home a well-deserved equaliser. Then they blew and they blew but they couldn’t blow that Tigre house down and 1-1 it finished.

I’m hopeful for next season, but only if the manager, Pedro Troglio, can hide Ortigoza and Merciers’ car keys and burn their passports. I’d also throw goalkeeper, Nico Navarro, into that pot since it’s around these three that a decent team can be built.

They’ve also got a couple of nifty little guys, Hobbits, in Franco Niell and Dario Ocampo, who are great on the ball but sometimes get lost in the long grass.

I saw the top two teams meet in a dull 0-0 earlier in the season. It was a match so boring and so bereft of fundamental footballing skills that, if I’d had wool and a couple of needles with me, I’d have taken up knitting.

Time to rest - and replenish paper stocks

Time to rest - and replenish paper stocks

It just goes to show that there’s not a huge gap in quality between the twenty teams in the top division. One or two players and a manager who can tell a decent midfielder from a field of corn can make all the difference. The other big factor is having a club administration that is not riddled with corruption, idiocy and general uselessness – and there ain’t many of those in the Argentine league.

Pedro Troglio replaced our championship winning manager, Claudio Borghi, at the beginning of the season. And while he didn’t exactly have to re-build from scratch, he did have to impose his style of play on a squad depleted by a number of departures from the 2010 Clausura.

The start of the season was a disaster with the first victory not celebrated until game eight against Banfield.

There was that delightful three-game winning streak, including the 2-0 thumping of Boca Juniors at their place, in the middle of the season. Boca only finished one place above Argentinos Juniors and fizzled out their season with a 1-1 home draw against dire Gimnasia. Their predicament will no doubt be clouded by the euphoria provoked by Martin Palermo scoring his 300th goal for the club. I suspect much of their hope for next season will rest on the shoulders of the old war horse and his fellow geriatric, the most miserable man in football, Juan Roman Riquelme.

See You Next Season

See You Next Season

River Plate could be back on form. They bowed out in style with a string of wins, culminating in 4-1 thumping of Lanus and look to have secured the services of the manager who made that possible, JJ Lopez.

Newly promoted Olimpo and Quilmes are newly relegated. While Gimnasia and Huracan must battle it out with the teams finishing third and fourth in the division below them to retain their places alongside the elite.

As the champions before last, Argentinos Juniors, along with Estudiantes, Godoy Cruz and Velez Sarsfield, will be playing international football next season, in the Libertadores Cup. Independiente, who finished last, will join them since they won the regional trophy that only the winners take much notice of, the South American  Cup.

So it’s football from a distance for me for a few weeks. I’ll be watching the Premiership from my living room with the windows open, the fan whirring and a cold drink at hand, laughing uproariously at the bizarre but no doubt effective woollen clothing items that European fans don to survive sub-zero temperatures.

Hasta la vista, babies!

Boca Juniors  0  Argenetinos Juniors  2

It’s quite an experience to enter into the lair of the dragon then emerge, exuberant,  two hours later with a couple of bags of his goodies. The Bombonera is big, noisy and potentially intimidating. But not to us, the hardy supporters of modest Argentinos Juniors, nor to the players who put on a brave performance and snuck away with two late goals – one from Santiago Gentiletti, the other from Ciro Riuz.

We owe a huge dollop of thanks to the Argentinos ‘keeper, Nicolas Navarro, who put on a performance of breathtaking agility. This game marked the return to the Boca ranks of their miserable but masterful maestro, Juan Roman Riquelme. He’s been out injured for six months and there were times when I could see why he’s been sorely missed. His vision and passing were sublime. Unfortunately for Boca, their aging war horse, Martin Palermo, looked like he needed to be retired to nibble grass in a meadow.

Dragon's Lair

Dragon's Lair

Boca are in crisis. So are their main rivals, River Plate. The two meet in their next match for the so-called superclasico – a fixture looking less and less a clasico and a long way from super.

How they must pine for the days, not so long ago, when Mauricio Macri was their president and if a trophy sparkled, Boca won it. He’s now mayor of Buenos Aires. The city muddles through. It’s hard to know to what degree its successes and failures can be accredited to him.

He is basically the son of a very wealthy businessman who adopted Boca as his toy and then did much the same with the city council, possibly using it as a springboard for a career in national politics.

In my line of work I’ve had what some would call the privilege, others would say was the misfortune to meet a fair few politicians. What has always surprised me, with one or two notable exceptions, is that they always came across as less intelligent than their public image led us to believe they were. Often, they were just downright thick, or somehow lacking in the kind of worldliness you’d expect of a person who represents the people.

The truth is that if you’re not a self-serving, hypocritical, arse-licking, two-faced piece of shit when you go into the business, you’d better become one very soon if you’re to survive and prosper.

Most of us, because we’re nice people with ideals and compassion, look at the options and say: “No thank-you very much. I’m going to earn my living as a carpenter or a professional footballer or work on the supermarket check-out where I get to shout several times a day: “More change please Mavis.”

Intrepid Bichos

Intrepid Bichos

But we need politicians, apparently. So we’re left in a terrible situation where none of us, because we’re nice people with ideals and compassion, is willing to take on this essential service. Instead, we’ve got the kind of people making decisions on our behalf we’d certainly not want to share a beer with and probably wouldn’t even let into our homes to unblock our toilets.

Because we’re not willing to take on this task, do we have the right to criticise those who do? Of course we bloody do! So I will. This mild rant is merely a prelude to an attack on an Argentine politician who I’ve not met but have recently taken a particular dislike to as a result of a couple of stupid comments he’s made.

The target of my vitriol is the economy minister, Amado Boudou. He’s a youngish, trendy sort of chap often photographed at the better Buenos Aires restaurants. Economy minister in Argentina is one of the few jobs more precarious than first division football manager. That’s mostly because they’re ineffectual puppets and that’s because the president, or more recently the former president, Nestor Kirchner, until he died last month, runs the economy.

Then, as soon as something goes wrong the minister gets the blame and is sacked and replaced by someone equally as ineffectual. The other reason they’re sacked is if they forget their place and speak out of turn. Boudou’s days are numbered.

Firstly, in a row between the government and the main media groups, he accused the two major newspapers of being like the people who cleared out the Nazi gas chambers. Not surprisingly, he provoked outrage in the Jewish community both in Argentina and beyond.

He was forced to make a half-hearted and none-too-convincing apology. Then, learning nothing from his experience, he said that inflation was a problem that only concerned the middle and upper classes. He added that the true rate of inflation in Argentina is, anyway, what the official statistics office, INDEC, says it is.

Inflation in Argentina is one of the highest in the world. Meat now costs double what it cost last year. Milk and bread are about 50% more. But INDEC would have us believe that annual inflation is no more than 10%.

Boudou. Be-doobie-doo!

Boudou. Be-doobie-doo!

Their monthly announcements are met with snorts of derision and incredulity. It’s certainly true that the middle and upper classes are suffering. The price of pilates classes has gone up, taxi drivers recently increased their tariffs and the cost of sending your kids to private schools goes up at least 20% a year.

But the working classes and the people in the shanty towns also need milk, bread and clothes for themselves and their children. Some have received wage increases, many have not. The shanty towns are growing, the number of people sleeping on the streets has gone up, along with the figures for those who have fallen below the poverty line.

But INDEC also changes the figures related to poverty to make the government look better. Since INDEC have all the tools at their disposal and the rest of us simply shop, it was at first difficult to challenge their credibility with our anecdotal evidence. But, eventually, the truth will out.

We shop every day and the prices rise pretty much every day. The workers at INDEC have been known to leave their desks and protest on the streets that they were not being allowed to do their jobs without government interference.

Newspapers employ an army of independent economists to produce an inflation figure closer to the true one that we experience every day.

Last month, a leading delegate at an international conference in Chile complained about the presence there of the head of INDEC, Ana Edwin. The former head of statistics in Canada, Jacob Ryten, called her invitation deplorable.

He said that inviting Edwin was like inviting a convicted thief to discuss the sanctity of private property.

But this blog remains inflation proof. It costs nothing and will continue to cost nothing. It looks to me like Estudiantes are running away with the Apertura title. After a 3-0 Friday night win over Lanus, they’re now clear of second placed Velez, who keep up the pressure with a 3-2 win at Banfield. Olimpo trounced Huracan 4-0. Racing and Arsenal drew 2-2 and Newell’s and Godoy Cruz shared the spoils without goals. With the superclasico between Boca and River just around the corner, River are also in crisis after losing 1-0 at All Boys. The Bichos’s next opponents, San Lorenzo drew 1-1 with Independiente and Colon beat Tigre 1-0. The bottom club, Quilmes, lost 1-0 to the team just above them, Gimnasia. The players’ bus was attacked by their own fans then, when they arrived back at their ground, they found their cars had been vandalised. Football is no fun when you’re losing.