San Martin  0  Argentinos Juniors  0

A couple of weeks ago I donned crampons and harnessed the huskies for a trek into unchartered but still familiar first division territory. This weekend I pulled on a wet suit and filled the oxygen tanks for a spot of diving, down into the second division – ‘La B.’

I went in search of goals and a bit of excitement but emerged with not much of either. The justification for my search was confirmed by yet another Argentinos Juniors 0-0, this one away to San Martin in the distant San Juan province. That’s three in a row if you count the dire scoreless draw against Velez Sarsfield last Thursday in the first leg of their South American Cup tie.

Tickets please!

Tickets please!

Football without goals is like beer without alcohol or coffee without caffeine. Most of the ingredients are there but you end up asking yourself: “What’s the point?”

Caballito is a densely populated, fairly affluent neighbourhood smack bang in the centre of Buenos Aires. That being said, it was surprisingly difficult for me to get to, taking the Linea B underground to connect with the new Linea H which got me on to the ancient but charming Linea A which landed me about ten minutes walk from the home of Club Ferro Carril Oeste.

For the less Spanish-speakingly inclined readers that translates as the Western Railway Club – a once half decent first division side which won the championship in 1982 and 1984. Their Ricardo Etcheverry stadium looks alright from a distance. But close up it’s a wreck.

Their green and white clad fans were noisy and enthusiastic. But not for long did that hide the rickety nature of the wooden stands, the wood warped and the green and white paint but a faint, flaking memory. There’s a large, curved concrete roof over the stand which to my slightly blurry eyes looked like it had chunks missing.

Proud to be Green.

Proud to be Green.

Much of the ground was empty, partly because travelling fans are banned in the second division but also, I suspect, because it’s simply unsafe for human habitation. Just as well I brought the oxygen tanks.

A friend of mine, who knows about this kind of thing, told me that Ferro is the victim of poor administration, owners that pocketed the cash and put nothing back into the club. Ferro, he told me, should be like Velez, challenging for honours and entertaining exotic visitors from across South America. Instead, it made the games I used to watch as a teenager at Aldershot’s Recreation Ground against the likes of Rochdale and Darlington look distinctly glamorous.

A goal was scored by the home side midway through the second half to give them a 1-0 victory over Almirante Brown, the yellow and black clad visitors. But by that time I didn’t care. This, remarkably, lifted them to second place in the table behind River Plate, who dropped their first points of the season in a 1-1 draw against Quilmes.

Remarkable because the football was dire. Not once did I see three passes strung together. The crowd cheered clunking defensive tackles or balls hoofed up to the safety of the heavens. It might have been an illusion but the defenders to me looked larger and more menacing and the attackers wispier and somehow less relevant than those in the first division. I was often more intrigued by the game being played in the empty space below me by a gang of kids in green and white who had long lost interest in the match.

Needs more than a paint job.

Needs more than a paint job.

There must come a time when a fan’s love for the club, the sense of belonging, the fading reminiscences of a once fairly alright past cloud the quality of the football. The barra brava, while cajoling the fans to sing louder, had their backs to this game, huddles of women chatted amongst themselves and plenty seemed to arrive late and leave early as if they were just popping in.

This was not my first visit to the ground. I came in 2007 to cover a rally by the Venezuelan president, Hugo Chavez. The then US president, George Bush, was on a half-hearted tour of Latin America which included neighbouring Uruguay but not Argentina.

Bush and the previous Argentine president, Nestor Kirchner, had never gotten on, Kirchner forming part of that uppity gang of Latin American leaders, led by Fidel Castro but also including Chavez, the Bolivian leader, Evo Morales and the president of Ecuador, Rafael Correa, that refused to do anything that Washington told it to do.

So while Bush was in Uruguay, President Chavez was in the Ferro stadium haranguing him across the Rio de la Plata about the evils of US imperialism. The crowd, representing the whole spectrum of the Argentine left, was loud, possibly louder and more numerous than the ground has seen since.

Chavez was a good deal more entertaining and his attacks more incisive than anything either Ferro or Almirante Brown could produce.

Returning to the surface, new boys Rafaela keep their top spot with a 1-0 win at fellow promoted side, Union. Boca tail them, also clocking a 1-0 away win, this one at Independiente. That defeat for the reds led to the departure of their manager, Antonio Mohamed. Lanus are equal second with Boca after their 2-1 victory over Estudiantes.

Champions Velez lost 2-1 down south at Olimpo, Godoy Cruz won 2-1 at Arsenal and Belgrano clinched a 1-0 win at fast-sliding San Lorenzo. All Boys against Racing and Newell’s against Colon were both goalless. And Tigre beat the bottom club Banfield 1-0. Banfield have lost all five games they’ve played this season and not scored a single goal. Now that is a team with cause for concern.

Colon 2  Argentinos Juniors 0

With this defeat, Argentinos Juniors can say goodbye to any lingering hopes they had of challenging for the title. But it was a sad way to go. A dodgy penalty in the second minute put the visitors on the back foot. An even dodgier one in the second half punched the final nail in the coffin. To rub salt into gangrenous wounds, Argentinos also had two goals disallowed. Then a long journey back to Buenos Aires during which to mull over their poor
fortune.

Colon is a town way up in the north-east of Argentina…a nondescript sort of place which you´d probably never visit unless you had family or friends there — and then, not often.

Four Legs Good

Four Legs Good

That´s why I found myself in another of Argentina´s nondescript towns, visiting family, which I don´t do often. In this case the in-laws in Chacabuco, deep in that huge, flat, fertile plain in the middle of the country known as the Pampas. The in-laws live on the edge of this nondescript town in the middle of a huge, flat, featureless, fertile plain which lends itself to ample alliteration and many cows. The alliteration is infinite but there are not as many cows as there used to be, the reasons for which I shall explain later.

I´m not sure if you´ve ever attempted to describe a nondescript town but I shall dig deep and give it a try.  Chacabuco lies about four hours west of Buenos Aires, as the bus drives. When I say the Pampas are flat, I mean really flat. In the words of that old Who song, you can see for miles and miles and miles. You might see a water tank in the distance and think you´re nearly there. But you´re not. And when you do finally reach your destination, you wonder why you bothered.

We passed through several other towns which looked pretty much the same — Chivilcoy, San Andres, Lujan. I imagine that you could easily get off the bus in the wrong town and not realise your mistake for several hours — or years!! Residents pass their days scratching their bellies and drinking mate, a bitter tea imbibed through a metal straw.

Chacabuco, like all the other towns in the region, has a main plaza that you won´t be surprised to learn is in the middle of the town. In the middle of that, you can bet the price of a Chelsea season ticket, that you´ll find a statue of San Martin, Argentina´s liberator from Spanish colonial rule. Sometimes he´ll be on a horse, sometimes not. So I´m exagerating a little here, there is some variety. Then you´ll find a plaza in each corner of the town. So that´s five plazas in all. If you run out of things to do, you can walk from one to another — and then back again!

There are people who enjoy and thrive in flat places, like Kansas or Saskatchewan or Cambridgeshire but I´m not one of them. I need a hill or two, or a coastline. Does living in a place like Chacabuco make you flat and dull, or do towns like this attract flat and dull people? This is small town with a capital S and a capital T. The residents are often suspicious of all outsiders – whether they´re from Buenos Aires or Basingstoke, so they treat me with no more or less disdain than any other visitor.

I fear I´m being a little harsh. Chacabuco is peaceful, relatively prosperous and a lovely place to bring up children. I also saw a hummingbird, which left me very excited. And that  you don´t do in Basingstoke! Also, I have discovered three interesting things about Chacabuco. It´s the hometown of Argentina´s 1978 World Cup winning captain, Daniel Passarella. It produces oats, cows and soya. And it´s got five plazas. Or did I already mention that?

When I first visited Chacabuco some years ago, it had just two restaurants, both pizzerias. One was closed at lunchtime, the other in the evening. But now the town is buzzing, literally. A by-product of its recent genetically-modified soyabean prosperity is that the whole population now travels by moped — flat out on the paved roads, recklessly on the dirt tracks and often with girlfriend, two small children and pet dog riding pillion.

Soya...Mmmm!!?

Soya...Mmmm!!?

Monsanto and its GM soya have transformed the Argentine countryside. Cows are not exactly an endangered species. But more and more of them are being herded off the lush green pastures and are now reared in the months before slaughter in tight enclosures on high protein food in a system known as feedlot. It´s nutritious and tasty, at least that´s what its supporters
will tell you, but it´s not grass.

Soya is also nutritious and tasty, at least that´s what its supporters will tell you. But most Argentines would rather nibble Sir Alex´s discarded chewing gum than put soya on their plate.

Most of it goes to Europe and China to feed cattle. There´s surely some irony there but I find that after a few hours in this place – the flatness, the wind and the smell of cow excrement mixed with the chemicals – and I can´t think straight.

What is beyond question is that there´s more and more soya and less and cows, simply because GM soya is easier to grow and much, much more lucrative. You almost never have to call out the vet to deal with tricky illnesses. There are stories here that some producers will buy themselves a new house on the profits of each harvest. And some have traded their mopeds for fancy four x fours. There are more than two restaurants in town now, a wine shop and stores selling designer clothes.

But what of the gauchos, those hardy Argentine cowboys who tamed the savage pampas? With fewer cattle to herd they are becoming little more than showmen who entertain tourists. Or they sit around drinking mate, scratching their bellies and telling tales of the old days.

I also scratched my belly as I watched this game live on television, with the windows open and the crickets making a hell of a racket outside. This was a reasonable performance by Argentinos Juniors against one of the title contenders. But the result, thanks to poor refereeing, left me disappointed and disillusioned.

I think I´ll drown my sorrows with a cocktail made from fermented GM soya tipped over a glass of crushed ice with a cherry on top. It´s the future and it smells foul!