Argentina 2 Peru 1

The domestic programme is taking a break while Argentina suffers the torturous agony of trying to qualify for the 2010 World Cup. The nation breathed a huge sigh of relief on a rain-soaked Saturday night as old war-horse Martín Palermo stabbed home an extra-time winner against bottom side, no-hopers, Peru.

Peru are not exactly San Marino but they’d won only two out of their previous sixteen qualifying games, and neither of those outside of Lima. And the fact that manager, Diego Maradona, had to divert Palermo from the knackers yard to pull on his sky-blue and white shirt illustrated the sorry state that Argentina finds itself in.

Monument to Uruguay's Glory

They sit in the fourth and final automatic qualifying spot and victory against Uruguay, in Montevideo, on Wednesday night will guarantee them a trip to South Africa. But victory for Uruguay, who are just a point behind, will do the same for them. And Ecuador, a point behind Uruguay and two behind Argentina, will play already qualified Chile with high hopes of at least clinching the fifth place play-off spot and a couple of games against a very small country from Central America. Put simply, Argentina must win on Wednesday.

But imagine Argentina were England and had to win in Glasgow to qualify. And a victory for Scotland would put them on the plane to South Africa instead. That’s what the game against Uruguay represents, but even more so.

Argentina, with some of the most expensive talent on the planet at their disposal, look like a bunch of Sunday morning sloggers who have got the kick-off time wrong and thought “Sod it, let’s get a few beers in before the game.”

Maradona took over a losing team and led them further down a road of confusion and contradiction. He knows Messi must play but doesn’t know who to play him alongside and has tried pretty much everyone apart from his mum.

Victory over Uruguay is crucial for Argentina but it’s pretty important for Uruguay too. It’s a small country defined to a large degree by its relationship with its dominant, overpowering, sometimes bullying neighbour.  Argentines, on the other hand, rarely even think about Uruguay except when it comes to choosing holiday destinations. And now they have the audacity to block their path to the World Cup!

Uruguay was born in 1828 out of a treaty brokered by the British after a 500-day war between Argentina and Brazil. Because of its liberal politics it became known as ‘The Switzerland of South America’ despite little in the way of mountains, chocolate or cuckoo clocks. It does have a fair few banks though.

It also boasts plenty of fine meat, tango and football – which makes it, to the untrained eye, a lot like Argentina, only smaller and quieter. There are less than four million Uruguayans so your chances of running into one are slim. But if you should, don’t ever compare them to the Argentines. They would find that offensive. Instead, talk about the two World Cups they’ve won.

They won the first World Cup ever in 1930, beating none-other than old rivals Argentina in the final. But the one they’re really proud of is victory in the 1950 final against Brazil in the Maracana stadium. There are monuments to that win erected in Montevideo. Stamps were printed, medals were awarded and books written.

On the Slide

Despite some fine players, like Atlético Madrid goal-machine Diego Forlán, they’re unlikely to win a third World Cup. But they’re good enough to qualify and hold their own. And if they can put Argentina out of the competition along the way there’ll be some hats tossed into the air in the streets of Montevideo. Who knows, they might even keep the bars open for an extra half an hour or so.

The Argentine media is talking about failure to qualify as though it were the end of the world. Argentina, despite its huge promise, rarely figures in those world lists of top ten best this or best that. Except when it comes to football. So to not even make the top thirty or so teams gathering in South Africa, let alone the best four in South America, would be a huge blow to national pride.

Argentina didn’t qualify for the 1970 finals and lived to fight another day. But this time they’ve got Messi, Tévez, Agüero and more. Failure to qualify this time would be a national catastrophe with political and economic implications.

But looking on the bright side, it should, although I doubt it will, force Argentina to look at the dismal state of their national game and begin a much-needed rebuilding. They can’t rely on Palermo poking one in from the middle of a goal-mouth scramble. And I’m not sure Maradona could handle another celebratory belly slide across a rain-sodden pitch like the one he performed on Saturday.